The Crack Young Staff are at it again. Here's a petition you'll never see signed by any of my colleagues:

“The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” Official Academics Against Remote Oppression that in No Way Affects Them Manifesto (THMQOAAROTINWATM):

We, the undersigned, are deeply troubled by manifold injustices: Capitalism, democracy, &c. Yet we wish to announce that we are untroubled by various issues that would normally trouble such beacons of “social justice” as ourselves.

We hereby declare that the following things do not in any way bother us:

1. The fact that numerous professors at our universities are offered starvation wages and no health-care. As long as they teach the classes we donÂ’t want to bother with, thatÂ’s fine by us. [ed. Note: Stotch, you reading this?]
2. The fact that our graduate students live in abject poverty. As long as they teach the classes we donÂ’t want to bother with, thatÂ’s fine by us.
3. The fact that our parking spots are far, far better than those held by lowly service employees. Sure, we’re Marxists and all, but we don’t want to take this “fairness” stuff too far.
4. The fact that some students want a balanced liberal arts education, instead of four years of left-wing agitprop. [ed note: don't let the Social Work department get a hold of this!]

PS-I would pay to see Steve put this up on his office door!

Posted by: Rusty at 04:00 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 233 words, total size 2 kb.

Here is some spam I got today. Funny that they would send it to moi? Yes. A scam? Probably. But the fact that people will probably send in money to these guys is scary on so many different levels. Just what we need in this world, more followers of the Religion of Peas. more...

Posted by: Rusty at 03:25 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 300 words, total size 2 kb.

Sortapundit is helping raise money for a school in Bangalore, India. If you can spare the change, why not donate to his brother's marathon for charity this weekend. He has a pay-pal button and all!

Posted by: Rusty at 11:17 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 49 words, total size 1 kb.

I've got tickets for the 7 p. m. show. To say I'm excited would be an understatement. I haven't been this giddy with anticipation since my wedding night. I have an updated roundup of the blogosphere's reaction to the movie here.

Posted by: Rusty at 05:01 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 55 words, total size 1 kb.

Bravo Romeo Delta, the Domosophist and yours truly, Dr. Rusty Shackleford, have decided to do something never before done in the history of the blogosphere: cross-posting. Yeah, I know it's a radically new concept, and something sure to generate a lot of copycatting, but I own the patent on this one and I know a good attorney.

So why did we do this? I dunno. Seems pretty fun-kay, and after all isn't the funk all that matters?

Just to clarify, these guys aren't 'guest bloggers' or whatever, these guys are now part of Team Sancrawler, and vice versa---er, I guess I'm part of Team Nuk-em and Team Dead Greek Philosophers or something??

Posted by: Rusty at 10:01 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 128 words, total size 1 kb.

I saw Team America: World Police last night with the only other Bush supporter on the floor and a Chomsky loving lesbo (the real kind, not the hot ones on TV)--what better way to spend a night out on the town with the guys? No small task for a guy with three kids, but Mrs. Shackleford was so impressed by my birthday gift that she yielded to my endless whining about the movie. As I've already noted so many times, I've been waiting for this movie for months.

What did I think of Team America: World Police? One of the funniest movies ever made. The funniest movie ever.

I laughed so often and so hard that today I have a laughing hangover. I'm being totally seriously here. My body is literally--physically-- sore this morning. I don't think I'll be able to smile for a week.

I'm not much of a list maker, but I've been axing myself how Team America: World Police compares to other movies? Here's my top five list of all time funniest movies:

1) Team America: World Police "F**k yeah!"
2) Blazing Saddles "The sherrif is a ni--"
3) Animal Crackers "How the elephant got in my pajamas I'll never know."
4) The Jerk "I was born a poor black child."
5) Pearl Harbor "I think World War II just started."

Here's what the right blogosphere is saying about Team America: World Police:

Sullie-"Parker and Stone are now indisputably the comic geniuses of their generation. The point of the movie is not nihilism - it's sanity. Sanity against the moronic ra-ra pro-Americanism of many in the Bush camp...."
-Demosophist-"It's like [Sullie] saw a different movie than I did."
-Roger L. Simon-"...loved the film."
-Russell Wardlow-"High art, it ain't, but I've never laughed so hard in a movie theater before."
-Charles Johnson-"I highly recommend Team America. ItÂ’s a technical tour-de-force, with deliberately retro-cheesy puppets and incredible sets, and a decidedly anti-idiotarian take on the major issues."
-John Hawkins-"I can tell you that this is a dream movie for South Park Republicans who support fighting the war on terrorism & love to watch liberals being mocked mercilessly"
-Fritz Schranck-I havenÂ’t laughed that hard in a good while....Go see this movie--for America.
-Leopold Stotch-"Trey Parker and Matt Stone have done it again in what I say without hyperbole is one of the finest films ever made. I'm seriously."
-Flea-"You know you are in the right place when the first words to scroll across the screen are "Paris, France" and everybody starts laughing. "
-Jon of Aaargh!-"Now, if you haven't already, go see the movie.
-Pink Kitty-"The Empress gives it all paws up (but not in that French surrender kind of way.) Funniest movie of 2004. "
-Lord Floppington- "I thought it was great....Unlike Micheal Moore, you get the feeling Parker and Stone actually love this country, even when they take jabs at our foreign policy."
-Dean Esmay-"Team America: F*** Yeah! Can't. Stop. Laughing."
-Sean Hackbarth-"The Michael Moore antidote...hysterical..."
-Ian S.-"In terms of raw laughs per minute itÂ’s easily the funniest movie IÂ’ve ever seen."
-Citizen Smash-"Even funnier than Pearl Harbor!"
-Leftorium-"...unbelievably hilarious."
-BummerDietz-"It's funny. A Hollywood crowd guffawed throughout."
-Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files-"I made the mistake of bringing a large coke in there with me and couldn't drink a drop for fear of it coming out my nose, I was laughing so hard."
-Pennywit-"Go see Team America."
-Peter at SFSignal-"After watching this movie, it was some time before I stop saying my Ls as Rs..."
-Kate at Texas Gary-"The whole shebang was beyond awesome..."
-SondraK- "I recovered quickly from my shock and proceeded to laugh my ass off."
-Matt at Overtaken by Events-"Funny as hell."
-Rita at Res Ipsa Loquitur-"Oh. My. God. I laughed so much my face hurts."
-Laurence Simon-"Three word movie review: America, f*ck yeah!"
-Sissy Willis-"Four paws for 'Team America'"
-Bloodspite-"anything that makes Mikey Moore to be a hot dog cramming fat blob can't be all bad!"

PS-When I first started this roundup I didn't know Smash and Bloodspite over at Techography were also doing roundups. Thanks to both of them for providing some of the links.

Posted by: Rusty at 01:39 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 701 words, total size 7 kb.

After a long-weekend of no posting what's a guy supposed to do? That was a rhetorical question.

-Saddam Hussein's attorney met with Osama bin Laden? Whoa! Let's be cautious about this one.
-Label Club. I wonder if they'll be a folow-up post "Operation Mayhem"?
-Asian blog roundup. So are all those other countries Chinese or Japanese?
-Fake document alert. Ok troops, let's call some experts up.
-Mount St. Helens lava pics. Just cool.
-Pat Buchanan to endorse Bush? It looks like Pat is an avid Prof. Chaos reader.
-Zarqawi-bin Laden connection. I've been reporting this for awhile.

Ok, off to edumacate the masses. more...

Posted by: Rusty at 09:03 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 272 words, total size 2 kb.

No, I haven't seen it yet, but my friend Prof. Chaos has. He says:

... this movie offers a more sophisticated understanding of US foreign policy than you find even in academic journals. I will likely require this film in my IR courses once the DVD is out.

Posted by: Rusty at 01:13 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 68 words, total size 1 kb.

Today is my lovely wifes birthday. Let me just say one thing: she still has a fine can--for a woman of any age--let alone one with three kids.

No more blogging today. If there is a blog emergency just e-mail me.

Posted by: Rusty at 09:08 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 47 words, total size 1 kb.

Posting will be light today. Duty calls.

Posted by: Rusty at 10:06 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 13 words, total size 1 kb.

Who's your daddy George? You biyatch.

On a related note Jeff Quinton pisses me off this morning with this post: After initially indicating there might be a Star Wars-themed television show in the future, George Lucas has backed off reports that a Skywalker-centered television show was in development, according to T.V. Guide (can't find an article online yet to any report of this.)

Ok, so the first few seconds of the post I'm thinking, "Awesome, there's going to be a Star Wars TV show!! Something better than those lame-o shorts on Cartoon Network, I hope."

Then you get to the second part of the sentence, and I'm thinking, "What?!? I get all excited only to be told that Lucas is not going to do a Star Wars TV show!!!!"

Two immediate analogies come to mind:

1) Draft-gate. You know, a story about a non-story. "After 25 years Lucas still has no plans for TV show despite the buzz from Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) that with the present dearth in network programming production of the show was inevitable and, after all, weren't all these Sci Fi reruns and Buck Rogers remakes just a back-door way of making the Tatooine Chronicles a reality without letting the American viewing audience understand the full extent of the ratings war?"

2) "Can I come up to your room and use the bathroom." Then, it turns out she really has to use the bathroom. "Could there be a Star Wars themed TV show?" Come on into the room baby. Bathroom is right over there. Let me just slip into something more comfortable. Go on into the bathroom. That's right, make yourself at home. Viagra kicking in. Toilet flushing. Viagra working. Water running, wash up good baby. Anticipation. Come on out baby. I'm ready to go. "Star Wars themed movie? No. Thanks for the toilet. Toodles." Aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

We have a name for a post like that: C*ck tease!!!

Posted by: Rusty at 09:59 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 331 words, total size 2 kb.

Well, my little Pet Jawa has been amongst the top 100 blogs for months now. I'm getting a lot more traffic than I ever dreamed of. A lot of that traffic is by repeat customers and I'm getting so many comments that a number of people have suggested opening a Jawa discussion forum.

So, why am I still so blue? All this and still no Instalanche!! Validation in the blogosphere, we all know, comes from one source alone.

Well, I'm through with you Glenn Reynolds. No more will I seek the much coveted Instalanche. Instead, I'm going after the much yummier Instant Lunch.

How do the two compare?

Instalanche-immediate spike in traffic, lasting up to 48 hours.
Instant Lunch-immediate spike in sodium level, MSG headache up to 12 hours.

Instalanche-expect at least two or three bloggers to get a kick out of your post and add you to the blogroll.
Insant Lunch-expect at least two or three co-workers to get a kick out of you eating the sh*t they swore they'd never touch again their first day out of college.

Instalanche-a sudden feeling of self-satisfaction knowing that somehow your post drew the attention of the right-blogosphere's top blogger.
Instant Lunch-a sudden feeling of stomach-satisfaction, with the caveat that the empty calories you just scarfed down will leave you lethargic for the rest of the day.

Instalanche-with the sudden spike in traffic you can now up your Blog Ad rate to just under covering your total monthly ISP and blog host bill.
Instant Lunch-with the money you saved by eating cheap MSG laden quasi-Asian food you can now afford to run to the video store and rent the latest Adam Sandler film--only to find that you remember neither the food nor the film in the morning.

*UPDATE: Flea tells me it's an 'Instalanche'. What the h*ll is a lanche anyway? Sounds French.....or Canadian....either way, it does have a very Thurston Howell III air about it. Anyway, I've corrected it.

*the truth is I really did eat ramen-in-a-cup for lunch today. Not kidding. Three words: dee-li-cious!!

Posted by: Rusty at 02:41 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 360 words, total size 2 kb.

Check it out:

DW: Would you use the word "treason" to describe [Kerry's activities]?

GE: No I wouldn't go that far, but in my own mind it comes damned close....

....Where are his discharge papers? He has not put up a copy of his discharge from the naval reserve. That should have taken place in 1978 when his service in all forms was completed.

The press seems to have no interest in this.

Speaking of Kerry's discharge papers....and here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Posted by: Rusty at 12:07 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 92 words, total size 1 kb.

Funny. Via Flea.

Posted by: Rusty at 11:35 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 9 words, total size 1 kb.

Image via Cranky Neocon

John Edwards yesterday: "We will stop juvenile diabetes, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and other debilitating diseases. ... People like Chris Reeve will get out of their wheelchairs and walk again."

Posted by: Rusty at 08:59 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

Yesterday I complained that Pay Pal was acting screwy. Rick from Vices and Virtues e-mailed me this article this morning: Problems With Online Payment Service PayPal Persist for Fifth Day

Posted by: Rusty at 08:12 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.

I thought you guys might get a kick out of this spam e-mail I got. Note to self: If you dont want people to stereotype you it's probably not a good idea to act exactly like the stereotype. Also, from my good friend Bill Dauterive, "The only reason stereotypes last so long is 'cause their mostly true."

more...

Posted by: Rusty at 08:10 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 174 words, total size 1 kb.

Go check out Fellowship 9/11 over at IFILMS:

Michael Moore's searing examination of the Aragorn administration's actions in the wake of the tragic events at Helms Deep. With his characteristic humor and dogged commitment to uncovering - or if necessary fabricating - the facts, Moore considers the reign of the son of Arathorn and where it has led us. He looks at how - and why - Aragorn and his inner circle avoided pursuing the Saruman connection to Helms Deep, despite the fact that 9 out of every 10 Orcs that attacked the castle were actually Uruk-hai who were spawned in and financed by Isengard.

UPDATE: Treebeard, man. It's all Treebeard!

Posted by: Rusty at 03:51 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 180 words, total size 1 kb.

Long-time friend Professor Chaos has endorsed Bush. I think it was the sheer brilliant weight of my arguments for Bush that overpowered his puny objections. Either that or he is finally seeing Kerry for the warmed over hippie that he really is. Either way, I'm happy. Welcome aboard!! Expect your Rove/Haliburton checks to be deposited in your Swiss account ASAP.

Posted by: Rusty at 02:32 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 74 words, total size 1 kb.

Not that anybody except Gordo the Cranky Neocon cares, but is paypal down across the blogosphere or are they just screwing with me? Oh, FYI--MPJ has collected almost $8 in total contributions this year!!

Posted by: Rusty at 12:18 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 38 words, total size 1 kb.