This week's Bonfire of the Vanities asks the blogosphere: Where were you in 1987? Forget the worst of the worst for the past week, this week's Bonfire spotlights the worst of the worst from 1987! A bad year in a bad decade.

If you would like to participate in future Bonfires, check out this post for details.

Ahhhhhhh 1987, I remember it well. A young Teddy Kaczynski, inspired by Porky's III: Porky's Revenge pulls another one of his classic pranks. John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanjuk got suspended for that whole holocaust hazing thing. And while the Tower Commission was busy fretting over Iran Contra, the nation's prayers were with President Reagan's prostate. We were pulling for you Ronnie!

War Heros of the 1980s.Rambo? Yeah, we'll give him credit where credit is due. He served in Vietnam, and for this he deserves our utmost respect and admiriation, but come on, you're telling me he spent Christmas 1968 in Cambodia? And those Purple Hearts? Half of those wounds were from Washington State Troopers, and therefore don't even qualify! And that Vice President we had back in the 80s. Sure, he was the youngest pilot in WWII, but that didn't stop Sid Blumenthal from questioning his record either. And Paulie should know, cause way back when he was there man. I mean, he actually shook the guys hand. Bush's, not Rambo's. And remember the 80s when Ratt refered to a band and not to a certain scumbag mullah in Iraq fighting against our real American Heros, GI Joe? Well, Incite tests your knowlege of appropriate scavenger that best describes al Sadr. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Bitchin!

The Cold War.Back in the 80s we had this little thing called The Cold War. You may remember it from such memorable experiences as the Invasion of Grenada or the Olympic Boycott. And who can forget when Ted Turner officially ended the hostility between the Soviet Union and America by sponsoring the Goodwill Games? Of course, not everyone was as enthusiastic as Mr. Jane Fonda when it came to ending the Cold War. In January of 1987, Ronald Reagen challenged Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. Little did he know that Gorbi was really the anti-Christ! Of course, had Uncle Ronnie been watching more PTL Club and less Cosby he would have know this. And speaking of the PTL Club, I think Norman must have gotten his fair share of Jimmy Swaggert in 1987. How else would he be so familiar with the terms hypocrisy, fraud, and slander? Like, totally hypocritical dude!

1987 High School Yearbook.----
Dear Flea, I'm so glad to have gotten to know you this year in Coach Allen's history class. That tape you mixed for me was rad. That Cure band was, like, great--if not a little wierd. It's totally different than the Wham album I usually listen to (can you believe that hunky George Michael left the band?). I'm sorry I haven't called you back since the midterm, but you know, I have my friends, and you have---well, you have that one guy you play D&D with. Thanks for helping me with my homework and that special night we spent studying together. I'll never forget it. Please don't tell any of my friends what we did that night. That will be between you, me, the fifty bucks you slipped me, and my diary. You understand, I have reputation to uphold.

Hugs and kisses,
Jess Cutler

Rad Collectibles. What would the 80s be without Cabbage Patch Kids? I had one. And not one of those gay ones. Mine had a masculine football theme going on. What could be more not-gay than a 14 year old kid carrying around a doll wearing a William "the Fridge" Perry Bear's uniform? There is absolutely no homoerotic imagery to one guy admiring another guy so much that he carries a doll around as an homage! I am not gay, dad! I like football. All those guys in those tight, tight, uniforms.....No, I don't need to see a shrink. How about getting me a Pepsi? All I want is a Pepsi....Whoa. Sorry. Flashback. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Cabbage patch dolls. Kinayda on this bizarre couple who raised a Cabbage Patch kid as one of their own. I wish this was a joke. It's not. And as long as we're on the subject, what was so wrong with Teddy Bears that the 80s had to go all doll crazy anyways? See, that's what I like about the new millenium--Teddy Bears are enough, damnit! How do I know? Well Andrew has sold all his Teddy Bears out, but you might want to rush and order one of his bands thongs before they're all gone. Gag me with a spoon!

Totally Rad Movies Sure, the whole world remember 1987 as the year Oscar Arias Sánchez received the Nobel Peace Prize. And every third grader is required to know the date Rudolph Hess finally realized his life-long dream of brokering peace between Stalin and Hitler from a safe location in Hell, but let's not forget the movies! Oh, remember the movies. Years from now, cino-archaeologists will recall 1987 as the Year of the Corys. For it was that year that Corey Haim and Corey Feldman made the classic Lost Boys--which introduced us to the phenomenon of homo-erotic-pedophelic-coked-up-vampire-chic. Boy, those were the days! They were also the days when a double-feature starring the Coreys went for 5 pongos, a price the starstruck Susie could readily afford. Awesome!

1980s Alcohol. Most people remember the 80s as the decade of excess, but not me. I remember it as the decade of Xs. INXS taught me there was more to the land down-under than toilets that flushed the wrong way and Olivia Newton John in leg-warmers. My first X rated movie. And my first swig of alcohol, Dos Equis beer down on Mission Bay, San Diego. Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, back in the 80s all music beamed from Southern Cal was outsourced to Tijuana. And no, back then we wouldn't let any of this leftist trash on the air. What happened to you, oh beloved San Diego, that you would let Air America ruin your grand vistas? The American Mind has the scoop. But what other alcohol was big in the 80s? You'd think the big hair decade would give us big booze, right? Nope. The 80s were actually the decade that made it ok to be a girl-drink drunk. There's nothing that says cool better than sipping a Bartles and Jaymes while watching Who's the Boss. Had the internet been around then, I think That 1 Guy's advice might be well taken. Just remember, back in 1987 Alyssa Milano was still jailbait---and a Bartles and Jaymes buzz is no excuse in court. Radical!

Eddie Murphy, Superstar. Not content with a platinum album produced by Rick James (bitch), Eddie Murphy took on the Hollywood establishment with Beverly Hills Cop II. Winner of the Sundance Film Festival, this heartwarming film continues the story of the love that dare not speak it's name between Axil Foley (Eddie Murphy) and Det. William 'Billy' Rosewood (Judge Reinhold). Winner of five Golden Globes and an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress (Brigitte Nelson), the film explores the existential meaning of class, power, and love in an age of oppression. The film has been called 'Kafkaesque' and is said to be the last film viewed by Andy Warhol before his tragic and untimely death later in the year. Much like this greeting card in Brian's post, it's the understated subtly of the humor presented therein that is the true mark of this film's genius. As long as we're on Eddie Murphy, can we all just admit right here and now that he may be the greatest actor of our generation? And it all started with Gumby on SNL. That reminds me, had SNL used their 'Fun with Real Audio' segments in the 1980's, they probably would have sounded something like Aaron's post.Brilliant!

Babes of 1987.The 80s were the big hair decade. As a matter of fact, it was the 80s that saw the first wave of metrosexuals. Come on, you're telling me Poison, Ratt, and those Nelson dudes weren't just a little bit too pretty for comfort? There is a direct correlation between gay chic in the new millenia and teenage boy sexual confusion because of the glam-rock bands of the 80s. Those teenagers are all grown up and working for Act Up! The 80s also gave us scandal babes Jessica Hahn, Donna Rice, and the star of the popular Proctor & Gamble produced daytime soap opera, Iran/Contra, Fawn Hall (pictured). But let's take a moment and compare the three biggest sex symbols of 1987. Yeah, Fawn Hall was the hottest, but you have to give credit where credit is due: Jessica Hahn's D cups were mahvelous...absolutely mahvelous. Spirit Fingers might recommend a set of silicone bra implants for Fawn to level the playing field with Jessica. I think the word to describe Donna is 'titpaved', or at least it is if Mad Anthony gets his way. Like, "Fawn Hall is hot, but that Donna Rice is totally titpaved, dude!" Speaking of hot makes me think of my first case of crabs--and no, contrary to the advice given in The Last American Virgin, you cannot drown crabs. Why, because according to Classical Values some crabs such as Coenobita clypeatus can use their gills as lungs. Instead, try Oprah Winfrey's personal butt itch cream. Interested Participant has been using it for years! Dorkwad!

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...Iowahawk style.

Indymedia style (via Charles Johnson)

Headless French style. Strike that, make that French Secularism mourning style.

PS-I'm black, I can feel it.

(In class)

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I'm in a pickle of a dilly here (said in Ned Flanders' voice). On the one hand, I don't want to write anything about the convention because its a serious non-event and makes me snooze just thinking about it. On the other hand, I have several blog mentors, friends, associates, and colleagues who are going to be there and I feel this pull to check in on what they're writing. What's a blogger to do?

Kevin, who is a fellow-traveller of sorts, will be there and has set up a website to aggregate the convention blogging experience.

Captain Ed, who I actually forked over some dough to this month (scroll down his right side-bar),will be there and is already anticipating the non-news coverage of the non-event.

Dean sometimes makes it over here to drop a comment or two, and I frequent his blog, but it seems the QOAE won't let him out of her sites. Instead he is sending the always prompt Karol who is doing her best reenactment of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

Roger L. Simon and Hugh Hewitt are more like mentors than peers. When I grow up, I want to be just like you. Only in the case of Roger, with more hair, and in Hugh's case sans the MN accent.

Scott, who I play TrackBack ping-pong with on occasion, is already photoblogging the pre-convention moonbat scene. It's a pity that Bill isn't going to be there to join in the fun. I wish Bill the best and hope whatever is going wrong in your private life will be righted.

Ok, so that will be the first and last post on the RNC. Good luck to all the bloggers who are going. Just remember, when you get caught between the barking-moonbat and NY City, the best that you can do is fall in love....or something like that.

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A guy get's fired because he lied about an affair he had ten years ago so he must be lying about John Kerry too, right? But I thought lying about extra-marital affairs was the one kind of lie that was ok?Oliver Willis:

But people are trusting this guy and his pals more than the US Navy? For shame.

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So many people have added me to their blogroll as of late, that I haven't been able to keep up. If you've added me to your blogroll, and you don't see your site listed in mine, please drop me an e-mail at mypetjawa-at-yahoo-dot-com.

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I'm in class. Deal with it. In the meantime here's some linkage that should keep you occupied. Call it homework....

News Junkies: Russia, News fit for Jews, Bush will win, The skinny on the Skinnies
Science: 2001 A Space Odyssey revisited
Bloggage: Military Crackdown on Bloggers, Blog Buddies (not gay), (good) Advice to new bloggers, and old
Theology: Sabbath Declared, Could it be...Satan?, J-O-Os
Poetry: JFK Sonnets
Food: Man does not live by...
Social Studies: The Sociology of Retards
Just funny: One man race, Gay pride

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The Wall Street Journal Online has a profile of all the accredited bloggers at the RNC. Included in the list are blogging comrades Bill from INDC, Scott from Slant Point, and Kevin of Wizbang. Bill gets the money quote:

What's the biggest gap in convention coverage by mainstream media in prior election years?

The "wakefulness gap."

PS-I'm in class all day. Blogging will be light.

Double-lizzle PS-If you saw my pic you would think less sardonic college professor and more lame ass DNC photo op of Timmy and Lords of the Underworld.

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....I'll change. I swear. All that time I spent with those mu.nu whores, I was thinking about you. I love you baby. Take me back!!

(speaking of whores: whorishly linked to the Traffic Jam)

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This weeks Bonfire of the Vanities is up. I will be hosting next weeks, so start writing your worst post of the upcoming week now!

Might I suggest this post over at Beautiful Attrocities for next weeks Bonfire? Jeff is hereby elevated to Sith Master and required to read this post before he goes accusing me of being a Star Wars fanatic again--and instead think more along the lines of South Park! (the Natalie Portman thing, though, is correct)

I also nominate Gordon the Cranky Neocon for not kissing but and not trying to score with blog-sista Jane (she's married dude). Jane, of course, doesn't qualify for the Bonfire because her recently published op-ed in the Lebanon Daily Star is brilliant.

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Come on you wimps. You know you want to kill cats. And not just the annoying ones in the alley that keep you up all night. The newborn kittiess too. One week old, eyes not open, suckling their mommy kitty's teet--you want to grab them and throw them down on the ground, then step on them and watch their brains ooze out. Cowards. Admit it, you love to kill kittens!

And while you're looking down at their brains on your jackboots, ask yourself this question--Can a kitty killer really love America?

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When the left starts talking about corporate censorship, and I read this story, I start thinking they have a point. USA Today:

Athletes may be the center of attention at the Olympic Games, but don't expect to hear directly from them online — or see snapshots or video they've taken.
The International Olympic Committee is barring competitors, as well as coaches, support personnel and other officials, from writing firsthand accounts for news and other Web sites.

An exception is if an athlete has a personal Web site that they did not set up specifically for the Games.

The IOC's rationale for the restrictions is that athletes and their coaches should not serve as journalists — and that the interests of broadcast rightsholders and accredited media come first.

Participants in the games may respond to written questions from reporters or participate in online chat sessions — akin to a face-to-face or telephone interview — but they may not post journals or online diaries, blogs in Internet parlance, until the Games end Aug. 29.

FASCISTS Pigs

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Did I say Islamic? I meant Llama Style.

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I'd pull an INDC best of, but the premise is all wrong for this site. Can you believe I'm going to a 'retreat' but not actually leaving town? If they ask us to start doing trust exercises I'm bolting.

PS-In case I bolt the meeting, I'm going Bigfoot Hunting. I'm serious. I really have gone Bigfoot Hunting. (read, snipe hunt)

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I'm going to a 'retreat' tomorrow. Worse than a regular retreat, this one doesn't even have the charm of going out of town. Instead, the powers that be rented out a bed and breakfast in town. Charming, they say. I say bah-humbug!! Posting will be light or non-existent. Stupid meetings.....

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Did you know Noam Chomsky has a blog? Ghost of a Flea is in an all out race to beat Chomsky in the TTLB Ecosystem, begging for linkage. I just checked my own TTLB rating, and I beat Chomsky by a full 192 blogs!!! Just two days ago I was another 20 blogs ahead (see what happens when you don't post for two days).

Since I'm sure Chomsky will begin to climb as soon as word gets out about his blog, here are my two goals:

a) never link Chomsky again. The TTLB Ecosystem is based on number of unique incoming links. NEVER link Chomsky. If you want to say something about his blog, don't link it. Why? This post explains it with a follow up post here.

b) get banned at Zmag, where Chomsky's blog has a home. You can wear that as a badge of honor. "I was banned at Zmag!" No, I take this one back. Zmag wants you to front $3 bucks for the honor of comenting. No wonder Chomsky has zero comments to his posts. You think any of his readers even has a job?

Those are my goals, and should be yours too!!!

UPDATE: Tuning Spork more thoroughly fisks Chomsky and doesn't drop a link!

Also, kudos to Mark and Comrade Rusty (wink) for also taking the pledge!

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You don't post for two days and the whole world falls apart. First, you get the Swifties being fisked all over the mainstream media while they let Kerry get away with murder (and I mean that literally, if you take Kerry at his word that he was a war criminal). This is what Noam Chomsky calls the 'selection bias' or something to that effect (yes, I'm too lazy to pop open my copy of Manufaturing Consent!)

On another front you have a (yet another--what is the plural form of truce?? tuces? truci?) truce with al Sadr being brokered and broken twice since my last post. Didn't any one at State ever read The Boy Who Cried Wolf?

So, I'm going to just ignore everything that has happened in the last 72 hours. Tuesday and Wednesday didn't happen. Ah, this is what it feels like to be a Democrat! It's not as bad as I expected.

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I wasn't in yesterday, but I better follow through on my commitment. The blogroll is in the extended entry. more...

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Went fishing yesterday. Sorry, a guy has to have his priorities.

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Screw you guys, I'm going home!

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Meetings all morning. One good thing is that I grabbed one of the precious back-row chairs. What was the meeting about? No idea. I did get a chance to read chapters one and two of Campaigns in the 21st Century, by Richard J. Semiatin, though. The book is assigned reading for my Campaigns and Elections class I'm teaching this fall. So far, so good. The author seems pretty fair and picks on Dems and Reps pretty equally.

One interesting bit from chapter 1 was the way the author characterized Karl Rove vs. Dick Morris. Dick Morris is said to be a professional opportunist who works for the money. Karl Rove, on the other hand, is described as a loyal friend of the Bush family who turned down opportunities to make millions in the private sector for a White House appointment. Interesting.

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