It seems I've been outted. The secret identity of Dr. Rusty Shackleford finally revealed!! TC Leather Penguin and Rob of Say Anything both found out my true identity. Apparently I'm 38, live in my mother's basement in Jersey and:

The plan was to build a 20-by-12-foot model of a Jawa Sandcrawler, a relatively obscure icon from the original "Star Wars" film, before the next installment of the saga "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" opens in May.

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In my ongoing effort to practice humility, I urge you not to vote for My Pet Jawa for Best New Blog of 2004. Am I the only one out there who thinks that I don't deserve such an honor? Wait--don't answer that!! What I meant was am I the only blogger who thinks that their own blog is less worthy of an award than other blogs in the same category in which they were nominated?

I see that since I un-endorsed myself that I've dropped from fourth place to like seventh place. I will not rest until I am in last place!! So vote, er, for any one but Jawa. Like Laurence Simon I realize that this blog is full of crap.

The competition is getting pretty ugly out there.

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1 No, you're not the only one. I refused to nominate myself. Although, the whole thing is MEANT to just be one big link whoring event. We could just come up with our own event and call it the "Great Big Link Whoring Festival". I'm sure it would be better than Cannes.

Posted by: Editor at December 07, 2004 03:54 PM (adpJH)

2 Editor--very right. Beth--not trying to make any one feel guilty. Wait. Yes I am!!!

Posted by: Rusty at December 07, 2004 04:10 PM (JQjhA)

3 I notice that you said you are "practicing humility," implying that you haven't yet achieved it. Freakin' show off.

Posted by: Preston Taylor Holmes at December 07, 2004 07:14 PM (IILM7)

4 Since I am pretty new to the blog world, I was not aware of these awards. Your the first one I have seen to not beg, bribe, and cry for votes! Therefore, I will vote for you. I like humble men.

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at December 08, 2004 12:13 AM (nrlu9)

5 Well, *I* voted for MyPetJawa as Best New Blog. Just thought I'd share my appreciation.

Posted by: -S- at December 08, 2004 01:03 AM (tLTsA)

6 Maybe I should take this tact as well "don't vote for me!" that way when I lose miserably (as I am now) I can just claim I told people not to vote for me so I don't look like a total dumbass!

Posted by: Digger at December 08, 2004 06:58 AM (FYEx6)

7 I would have voted for the Jawa, seein' how he's my true favorite of the bunch, but he said not to, and I'm an order-following sheep. Defeating Kerry Spot is a much more noble goal.

Posted by: Preston Taylor Holmes at December 08, 2004 10:06 AM (WsZ4F)

8 Yeah, like Kerry Spot is really a blog. Not everything on the internet is a blog. If I work for a company, and that company pays me to put stuff on the internet, I'm not a freaking blogger!!!!!

Posted by: Rusty at December 08, 2004 12:13 PM (JQjhA)

9 Well I have no shame in the link-whoring department. BTW, should I retract my vote for mpj?

Posted by: MartiniPundit at December 08, 2004 04:27 PM (fLdsW)

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....curse you NZ Bear!! I went from 33 to 83 in a matter of two weeks? Ouch.

I have always been taught that you either humble yourself or you will be humbled. I have been humbled.

To be honest, I never understood how I rocketed to the top so quickly. Last month, for a time, the TTLB Ecosystem was showing that 100+ new unique links to the Jawa were being added each day. I knew there was an error. Still, I enjoyed the lie while it lasted.

I now know what it is like to be Milli and/or Vanilli. Trust me, it sucks. Oh the fame is great. And there's the chicks, don't forget the chicks. Ok, so there's no chicks. But how about all the begs for link plugs? When your three slots away from Mortal Human status you get a ton of requests. It's almost like spam.

So, the Jawa Report returns to earth. Yes, we're still in the top 100 out of tens of thousands of active blogs, but it just doesn't feel the same.

And my dream of mounting Wonkette? Not gonna happen in this lifetime. At least, not as long as adolescent males find a redhead's allusions to anal sex titilating.

Question: Now that Rusty has been brought down to earth and is forced into keeping it real---should we go back to the My Pet Jawa name??? What about Jawa Pundit??? Any suggestions???

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I just dropped my wife and three kids off at the airport. I'm bacheloring it until finals are over. I haven't decided yet whether this means more or less blogging. On the one hand I come home to an empty house so I have nothing better to do than blog. On the other hand I come home to an empty house so I can go to the movies, out to dinner, fishing, play basketball, or whatever.

It's quite a dilema.

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Remember the blog sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou blog, and do all thy blogging. But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord of the Blogosphere. In it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy blog-son, nor thy blog-daughter, thy blog-servant, nor thy blog-hos, nor thy cats (for lame-o cat-blogging), nor thy guest-blogger that is within thy URL. For in six days the Lord made the blogosphere and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day. Wherefore the Lord blessed the blog sabbath day, and hallowed it. (with apologies to Deity)

Turn the computer off. Make some human contact (with real live people). Visit your family. Call your mom. Do something productive. Give other people a day off by not buying anything. Give yourself the day off by not blogging. Remember, blogs were made for man and not man for blogs.

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While the MSM sees fit to eulogize a man who murdered his own children, Digger has decided to pay the victims tribute. A touching post dedicated to innocent lives lost.

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Let me just clarify one thing from the last post: I'm not going to vote for myself, and you shouldn't either.

I know I nominated me, but now that I see the competition I'm outclassed.

Vote for Bill at INDC, he's a funnier than me and has done more important work. And despite rumors (started by me) to the contrary, he is not gay.

Or vote for Beth at My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (better site design and more dedicated), Jane from Armies of Liberation (actually gets published in the Arab media so more impact), or Preston at Six Meat Buffet (who's hot dog thingy is awesome-o).

Don't under any circumstances vote for NRO's Kerry Spot. I mean, is that really a blog? Jonah Goldberg is a talented writer and does important work, but he's not a blogger. Maybe if he'd throw me a link......

Other categories? more...

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Finally a video to go with the theme song for Team America: World Police (the funniest movie ever made) via Professor Chaos who I think must have seen the link at Ace of Spades.

The video can be seen here but is definitely not safe for work and has about half a second of porn spliced into it in true Tyler Durden fashion.

How did they rip me off? Notice the Tusken Raider metaphor spliced into the video? That.

I have a feeling Russ B. is old school Pet Jawa, maybe through mutual friend Cooper. Either that or warped minds just think alike when ripping off South Park metaphors. Besides, Dr. Leopold Stotch reminds me that I didn't call patent, and if I had tried to call it evil George Lucas would have sicked his minion lawyers on me. Of course, from the looks of the rest of his page Russ just doesn't get Team America: World Police. Not one bit.

In any event the video is pure evil genius.

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Did you know that The Jawa Report is bigger than Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish? It's true. At least according to Dan the Carnivorous Conservative's who argues that a better method for measuring blog success it by total daily hours of readership. While Dan should be made aware that the TTLB Ecosystem has been having a few issues as of late (NZ Bear is already on the case), and thus the initial numbers he's using may be off, I think the overall gist of his method is sound. And by 'sound' I mean highly inflates the importance of my blog while deflating the importance of my rivals!(Note from Minitru: all methodological problems in contradiction to objective goals of the Party should go unreported.)

His method is this:

take the average number of daily visits times the number of seconds per visit. That gives you total viewing time in seconds. Dividing that by 60 yields minutes and dividing by 60 again gives you hours.

KOS 399.07
Drudge Retort 335.05
Instapundit 228.77
LGF 211.68
Protein Wisdom 169.39
Wonkette 162.89
Winds of Change 155.02
Eschaton 141.27
Volokh 135.02
Captains Quarters 127.72
Wizbang 116.26
Belmont Club 113.63
ACE 112.97
The Jawa Report 112.63
NZ Bear's TTLB 89.29
Outside the Beltway 63.6
INDC 58.00
Hewitt 57.44
AsmallVictory 56.49
Powerline 44.55
Andrew Sullivan 44.14
The Politburo Diktat 43.66 (watch out AS!!)
Flea 41.12 (in the Spirit of Male Objectification Week Flea is on AS's rear)
Laurence Simon 28.16
Llama Butchers 21.76 (ouch!!)

I have no problem with Goldstein beating me [even if it takes me, like, five minutes before I really get any of Jeff's posts], and I'm tickled pink to be right up there with fellow mu.nu domain buddy Ace (who, BTW, is doing nothing wrong according to this method), but what the hell is Wonkette doing beating any of us!! Where is the justice in that? How much time can a guy really spend on her site after doing a Google search for Jessica Cutler anal sex?

Of course, the consolation is that Andrew Sullivan, according to this metric, is hardly read at all. It's the small things, really, that make life worthwhile.

Alas I'm afraid that Bill will not like this, not one bit! And the Butchers?? Where are the Butchers!!!!

Alas, as I was parousing the old blogroll in search of victims for this post I found a number of blogs that:

a) don't use Site Meter (probably because it is notorious for being wrong and underestimating hits)

b) don't allow Site Meter to publish their data publicly (probably because they are ashamed of the number of hits they get) or

c) allow Site Meter to publish their data publicly (but should get a clue from group 'b' above and hide their info--I didn't include a lot of those on my regular read list because I didn't want the word to get out that some of you get, like, 50 hits a day--so don't be offended that I left you out)

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Blogchild Brian B. asks that you keep his aunt in your prayers. She will undergo surgery tomorrow.

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I called in sick yesterday and went to a super-secret fishing hole of mine. My spot is just below the outlet of a little man-made reservoir down here. I was the only one there all day. I'd say the river is only 15-20 feet below the top of the levy so the slough I fish off of is pretty small. Every time we get a lot of rain the bass just start boiling but I've never seen so many fish as yesterday! It looked like an upstream salmon migration with fish trying desperately to make it up the slough. Literally hundreds of bass congregating in the foam where the water from the lake above hits the river below. I've also heard of jumping catfish before, but never seen it. At first I thought they were giant bass jumping out of the water every five or ten minutes, until I hooked into my first cat of the day.

The bite was definitely on! Final score: Three 5 lb+ cats (all released) and five bass (took three home, ate one for supper last night). The catch of the day was a 7 or 8 lb monster of a largemouth, although I can't be sure. I grew up a trout fisherman and you measure trout by length, not by weight. I'll post a picture as soon as I get the film developed. I'm just glad I switched over to 20 lb line before I went. As it was two grandaddies got off. One of them broke the line, the other broke the hook! All the fish were caught on various plastic minows, even the cats, but the large (I'm talking 4-5 inches) red tinted ones seemed to work the best.

Fishing also gives you a chance to reflect on priorities. I've come to the conclusion that too much of my time is devoted to this blog. I love to blog, to put my thoughts down in a public forum, to get feedback, to be part of a national conversation.... but clearly blogging can't be the most important thing in my life. However, if time is an indication of our priorities than an objective observer might think my life's greatest priority was blogging. So, somewhere between the fish that got away and the discovery that I was standing on an anthill I made the commitment to spend less time blogging. No, I'm not giving it up, I'm just going to cut down a bit. I average 6-10 posts a day. Expect 3-5 in the future.

More time fishing, less time blogging. More time with my family, less time with the public. More time devoted to the job that pays the bills, less time to my hobby. All blog and no play makes Rusty a dull boy..

UPDATE: All blog and no play also make Bill a dull boy. Oh and screw the Llama Butchers, I'm just keeping it real yo!

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I'm pretty much taking the weekend off. I made a commitment a couple of months ago to stop blogging on Sunday--kind of a blog Sabbath. Remember, blogs were made for man and not man for the blogs. In the meantime please go vote for Pat Tillman as Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year by clicking here. Tillman quit a lucrative job in the NFL to join the Army. He was killed fighting in Afghanistan. Vote early and vote often!

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On this day, I am grateful for Georgina Verbaan's boobs. Below are pictures, photos, and images of Dutch model Georgina Verbaan's boobs. * (SFW--it's not what you think) Happy Thanksgiving all! See you on Friday. more...

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Rob from Say Anything sent me this link today. We here at The Jawa Report would never sink to the level of making fun of Oliver Willis! We do not approve. But in the spirit of helping our friends in the Democratic Party recoup from their sorrowful loss, we do suggest you mosy on over to the Tempus Fugit's new Rebrand Democrats Site and suggest a new slogan or two for the Democrats. Here's my favorite. Kevin Aylward, on the other hand, likes this one. Laurence Simon likes this one. And not to be outdone, John Henke adds his two bits here. I'm sure the problem with the Democratic party is simply one of image and that after a little rebranding the American people will no longer look at them like a bunch of whiny little bitches. But that's just me.

Go create your own DNC poster here.

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Thanks to Charles Johnson for pointing out that it's Islam Awareness week in England. In order to help foster the spirit of awareness that this festival is surely about, I offer you some of the following things to make you more aware of Islam. For some odd reason I am under the impression that this might not be the type of awareness the organizers had in mind.....

Were you aware that the Prophet Muhammed married a nine year old girl? I mean, he married Âishah when she was six but he had the class not to have sex with her until she was nine. Just wanted you to be aware of that. more...

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Professor Chaos asks what were the best TV shows of the 1970s? His list is rather exhaustive and I like the fact that it is Sid and Marty Kroft heavy. But what about Sigmund the Sea Monster, bitch!?!? My favorite, of course, was SWAT. Between the ages of 9-11 I played SWAT with my friends on a weekly basis (more if I had to take a break from playing Raiders of the Lost Ark because I was dumb enough to try swinging on the cheap bullwhip I had bought in the most recent trip to TJ). So what are the best TV shows of the 1970s?? Leave your comments with Dr. Leopold Stotch.

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A stroll down the often unstrolled avenue that is my blogroll. Why aren't you on my blogroll? Because I'm lazy and forgetful, that's why. Let me know if you visit often and have been overlooked. more...

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1 I don't see a Unabrewer on the side!

Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer at November 22, 2004 07:04 PM (xzIhx)

2 ...Ahem. Ya told me my link was in the mail--last spring.

Posted by: scott at November 22, 2004 07:15 PM (mVNXu)

3 I can't wait to get to the Ts. Hmm, is that for all the "The's", the two Tims, or the single Target. Or maybe the Lone Star State. But then again, you already linked to me today.

Posted by: Boyd at November 22, 2004 07:21 PM (VeBwJ)

4 Dr. Rusty -- are you linked in the blog contest? http://www.spiritofamerica.net/site

Posted by: bj at November 23, 2004 07:12 AM (lTvh2)

5 Linked. BJ, what contest?

Posted by: Rusty Shackleford at November 23, 2004 09:03 AM (JQjhA)

6 Beth, fixed. You weren't on it at all.

Posted by: Rusty Shackleford at November 23, 2004 01:48 PM (JQjhA)

7 Linked. BJ, what contest? Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. Check lgf .. it's a fundraiser amongst bloggers for the Spirit of America site .. $$ goes to the soldiers for their humanitarian projects. Charles has his listed on his site and had collected over $5000.00 yesterday when I saw it.

Posted by: bj at November 23, 2004 06:13 PM (0V1RM)

8 http://www.spiritofamerica.net/cgi-bin/soa/challenge.pl?rm=action&party_id=125

Posted by: bj at November 23, 2004 06:16 PM (0V1RM)

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Llamas turned one a few days ago. Did you know Llamas are a good source of protein and go great with fava beans?

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It's not so much the envy that he met Michelle Malkin as it is the horror of hearing a bunch of National Review readers sing along to Abba. Abba is bad enough on their own.....but add a bunch of drunk Republicans, that's just not right.

As I've already told readers, I hate cruises. Cruise ships are like giant hotels, only you can't leave. I guess if you had to be stuck on a ship you could do no better than to be stuck with Victor Davis Hanson.

Ok, pop-quiz: If you had to be stuck on a cruise ship with any famous person, who would it be?

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1 A U.S. marine who fought in the Battle of Fallujah, so I could get cool war stories out of him.

Posted by: Sobek at November 22, 2004 01:41 PM (XwlU1)

2 Pen(envelop)Cruz; Why? cause her English is very very Badd!!!

Posted by: Roopesh at November 22, 2004 01:50 PM (q9wBH)

3 Phoebe Cates. Definitely Phoebe Cates.

Posted by: Preston Taylor Holmes at November 22, 2004 02:18 PM (WsZ4F)

4 The unabomber ... he might sink the evil vehicle of wasted time.

Posted by: Salmander at November 22, 2004 02:19 PM (F26eZ)

5 That would be Kylie Minogue.

Posted by: Ghost of a flea at November 22, 2004 02:26 PM (jfYDW)

6 hey, a decent new blog from a US soldier in Baghdad http://ablekaneadventures.blogspot.com/

Posted by: Mr. K at November 22, 2004 02:52 PM (NAhtT)

7 I'm thinking along the lines of Hayek, but that's just me....(and I'm happily married). I'd take Ayn Rand, but I worry she'd be too busy hitting on my wife to have a stimulating conversation.

Posted by: Rusty Shackleford at November 22, 2004 03:40 PM (JQjhA)

8 Kevin Sites, so I could spend the cruise beating the shit out of him with his own camera.

Posted by: greyrooster at November 22, 2004 03:53 PM (BFaxF)

9 ABBA? Beats the dangedest thing I saw in college once: A group of College Republicans, gathered around a microphone, singing Tammy Wymette's "Stand By Your Man." --|PW|--

Posted by: pennywit at November 22, 2004 04:33 PM (G9pE5)

10 Pennywit - you saw us? Today I'll go with Neil Gaiman. I could listen and look at that guy all day.

Posted by: Maureen at November 22, 2004 04:42 PM (ny5O/)

11 I don't give a shit if he IS a fag, I'd love to be shipwrecked with Richard Chamberlain ("Thorn Birds"). Maybe it's a Catholic girl gone bad thing with me?! ;-)

Posted by: Laura at November 22, 2004 05:03 PM (ptOpl)

12 My cat Spike.

Posted by: bj at November 23, 2004 06:32 PM (0V1RM)

13 Gil Grissom from CSI. Cindy

Posted by: firstbrokenangel at November 28, 2004 08:24 AM (D39Vm)

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Found a virus on my computer. Locked up just as I was about to post. Is today Monday?

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