...are in order to Dave Gullyborg on reaching his 100,000 visits mark. If you're going to celebrate, this is the way to do it.

Posted by: Rusty at 03:42 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Pr0n. Stock Quotes. Conspiracy theories. Now good causes? Is there anything the internet can't do?

Please click the banner below. If you are a blogger please link it. Doing so will raise the profile of the American Cancer Ablation Center. Chris Muir, the cartoonist behind Day by Day and friend of the blogosphere has asked that we pitch in. His sister is being treated at the Center. Thanks to Beth for bringing this to our attention.

More good being done? Yes. John and Beth Donovan are attempting to raise money for The Soldier's Angels Project Valour IT. The Project provides voice-controlled software and laptop computers to wounded veterans who have lost hand control. Donate by going here.

In the name of Allah, the Merciful, the Compassionate, I issue the following fatwa:

Fellow bloggers or with other web pages who would like to join the effort should contact Beth of Fuzzilicious.

Posted by: Rusty at 10:18 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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IÂ’ve got to say that this story is cool. It seems Residents of the one and two hundred block of Missouri street in Evansville have had to change a lot of tires lately. This is kind of a poorer working class mixed neighborhood. You know working stiffs. Amongst the working stiffs there lives one Scott Morgan 18. Yep he is my nominee for the week.

But along with pointing out what a moron Slashing Scott Morgan is I want to tell the story of how Slashing Scott was taken down. It seems that tires had been going flat at an ever increasing clip lately and several of the neighbors got together and lay in wait for old slashing Scot to show up. Calls to police up to that point had not helped and ScottÂ’s boldness was growing costing everyone in the neighborhood more and more time and money.

"My neighbors are pretty close, they're always watching out for everyone else so when something happens if something happens to one person it happens to all of us."

Well old Scott showed up on his biggest tire slashing binge yet knocking off 15 tires before angry residents witnessed ScottÂ’s project and gave chase all the way to his home. He made it in but residents had him this time. They called the fuzz.

"We all stuck together, nobody went in we wanted to catch this dude...".

"We're tired; we're ready to take a stand, if the cops don't want to do it we're going to do it."

OK hereÂ’s the cool part. The law turns up and goes into ScottÂ’s house to get him. They bring him out. Then they take old Scott out on his front porch and just hold him there. It was great the cops gave the residents several minutes to go off on him. Then they put him in the car to cheers and applause the likes of which IÂ’ve not heard since Ted played Mesker Amphitheater.

"What we wanted to do, we really wanted to go up and give him an old fashioned western style kickin'."

Somebody bailed out old Slashing Scott so look out for him. Judging from the following quotes he will be moving out of the area pretty soon.

"He said well I'm sorry for what I did, well sorry didn't do it, he did that's not going to get everybody's tires out here fixed.

Everybody's tires down here still ainÂ’t got fixed and he's walking the street, I feel sorry for him, I don't want to be in the dude's shoes I
really don't.

Hit Tip: Randy.

Posted by: Howie at 09:36 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Want a fatwa issued against you? If you have an interesting post, just link this post and send us a trackback. We will issue a fatwa on your infidel ass!

UPDATE: Houston, we have a problem. Where are the fatwas? Ah, the joys of updating your site design. Sorry. Will try to fix.

Posted by: Rusty at 11:36 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Caption this photo of a Hiroshima protest gone terribly wrong.*

Winners picked arbitrarily by me, Admiral Rusty Shackleford:

D. Carter: Japan and the U.S. share many interests: a healthy private sector, baseball, and a lethal distate for mimes.

Romeo Delta: Upon hearing that Tom Cruise's "War Of The Worlds" would soon make its Tokyo premiere, thousands of Japanese viewers of "The Last Samurai" commit seppuku.

Graeme: Reluctantly, Andrew Lloyd Webber, after many protests by patrons and theatre critics waving "No more Hiroshima" signs, decided to cancel further performances of his much maligned new musical, The Phantom of Hiroshima.

Special mention to KG for gratuitous Futurama references: No one really worships the atomic bomb anymore, it's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing, really. more...

Posted by: Rusty at 03:52 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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Down the path to the dark side one has begun, when fear of new site takes hold. Click on "switch to light background version..." link to right, and balance you shall bring to the force.

Posted by: Rusty at 12:10 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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I'm back, biyotches. Thank you to all the guest-bloggers for CMA (covering my arse). You guys rock. Let me extend an invitation to all of you to post at the Jawa whenever you want.

Big things afoot on my end. BIG THINGS. In my personal life, in my professional life, and in my blogging life. Thanks to all of my readers for helping make The Jawa Report a success. If you have any suggestions on how we can keep improving my little pet Jawa, please feel free to e-mail me at any time.

Apologies to all my friends and co-bloggers who have sent me articles/posts in the past few weeks that I wasn't able to link.

I'm back from vacation, and even though the semester doesn't start for another few weeks I still have some mucho grande responsibilities which may make it difficult to blog heavily in the near future.

UPDATE: Did I miss anything while I was gone?

Posted by: Rusty at 10:06 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Wednesday night I rode home listening to classical music it was a nice relaxing drive. Actually I like some of the more active classical better. Not saying IÂ’m a fan but as I age I have learned to appreciate a bit now and then. So then on Thursday I had grown tired of news and Morning Edition so I switched over to Rock & Roll. I mean loud smashing thrashing stuff. At the exact moment I switched a new song came on and inspired me. Then I got in and Saw Mad DogÂ’s post which inspired me even more.

I’ve been getting some comments like, are you schizophrenic? Well I guess perception is reality so I might as well go with it. As many of you out there know already out beloved Maries took it on the chin this week. These guys do the most dangerous, dirty, and difficult assignments of all our armed forces. There are some Special Forces exceptions but in general these grunts do what others can’t or won’t. Grandpa talks about being in the Pacific and how he spent an awful lot of time on a ship for “airborne”. When they would take an island the navy would pound the beach all night with artillery and then guess who got to establish a beachhead so the Army would have a place to land. You got it Marines.

Ok on to the point. The combination of Mad DogÂ’s post and the trip into work gave me an idea. IÂ’m not sure how it will be received as some days I find out after the post that it was a crappy idea. But the village idiot always imagines that which others deem impossible. IÂ’ve got a bunch of leftover farwurks from the fourth. My son and I picked out 21 m80Â’s and 21 whistling moon travelers last night. I canÂ’t decide which to go with but the plan is to fly our flag on Sunday. My flag is inherited from Aunt Joy who dropped dead at an American Legion dance a few years back. We have flown it till itÂ’s just about shot. IÂ’ve got to get a new one because this oneÂ’s special. The second part of the plan is at 9:00 pm CDT on Sunday 08/07/05 to let off those 21 firecrackers as a salute to all fighting men and women working for freedom around the globe but especially this week for our fine Marines. I donÂ’t know about where you live but at that time where I live it will be quiet except for hoot owls and whippoorwills. I extend my apologies in advance to my bats. So load up your cannon and fly your flag. Also let all keep safety in mind. Should you choose to use a firearm be careful. A trip to the ammo store for some blanks might be in order. LetÂ’s try and not go to jail for this. So caps, farwurks, firearms used carefully and in accordance with the law (yeah right), loud music whatever you have get it out. We plan to be finished by 9:15. While disturbing the peace in this case is for a good cause letÂ’s not be getting ourselves into too much trouble.

Sith apprentice beotch Howie

Also Rosemary calls our attention to Iran.

Here too.

Posted by: Howie at 09:47 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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Due to harsh language, I'm not cross-posting this.

Posted by: Vinnie at 11:32 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Vinnie, thanks for the help, but let's get on board and help out the Freedom Alliance. The money is going directly to funding scholarships for children of soldiers killed in action. We all need an edumatation you know.

I've tried to pimp out Jim's participation in the Blogathon before, bit it seems the donations he's received "are stagnant." The charity which Jim has chosen to give to is Freedom Alliance.

Go on and put a dollar or two into Jim's Blogathon tip jar. You know you want to.

And if you're looking for some fun, the Dirty Kafir has a nice little caption game with Ayman al-Zawahiri himself. I personally like the commented ones better than the suggested captions.

Hey, don't ever say I didn't try to entertain.

Posted by: Chad at 05:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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By golly I was able to come up with a good candidate this week besides myself. Cool huh. My WTW nominee for this week isÂ…

Kim, I swear if I have to put down this beer you are going to get it, Basinger age 34 of Evansville IN.

Police say she had been drinking all day and punched her son in the head several times, and attacked him with an extension cord and ash tray.
She then chased him through their West Michigan Street neighborhood.
The boy suffered bruises above his right eye, a bruise on the back of his leg and some bumps on the head.

Posted by: Howie at 11:57 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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(Sacramento, CA) FUZZY SCIENCE ALERT! With the latest announcement from the California envirocracy, the price of milk is sure to go up.

From The Mercury-News:

Dairies are the No. 1 source of smog-producing pollution in the San Joaquin Valley, producing more than even cars and light trucks, according to a report released by air regulators.

The San Joaquin Valley Unified Air Pollution Control District, in a report released Monday, has determined that a cow annually emits 19.3 pounds of volatile organic compounds, the gases that contribute to smog. That is 50 percent more than currently thought, the report said.

At that new rate, dairies in the San Joaquin Valley produce more than 50 tons of VOCs a day, exceeding the amount released by cars and light trucks in the region by nearly 20 tons a day, district officials said.

The country of New Zealand instituted a similar nanny-state scheme to tax flatulence of livestock a couple years ago and it was met with vigorous opposition from the sheep herders. I think the idea was ultimately shelved or ameliorated. more...

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 04:19 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Phil Hendrie has a blog? Yes, he does. No entries yet but let me be first to welcome America's greatest talk radio host to the blogosphere. Before I was a South Park Conservative, I was a Phil Hendrie Libertarian. If you don't get the Phil Hendrie show, then there's no way you'll get The Jawa Report.

Maybe Mr. Hendrie will allow an occasional guest post by my colleague, Dr. Jeff Dowder, of Cal Tech?

Anyway, the vacation in Los Angeles is going great. I fly back to Red State America tomorrow. I'll sure miss the weather here. Most of all I'll miss talk radio. The only talk radio we have in my corner of America is NPR. Yeah, I know, pathetic.

Posted by: Rusty at 11:36 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Part of having the keys to Rusty's site is the ability to post links to your own posts. I've stayed away from this . . . until now.

There is much "controversey" over President Bush giving a recess appointment to John Bolton. I've looked into the future and heard what went on at the Ambassador's first 'Meet and Greet'.

Hopefully the tyrannical rule of Howie and Mad Dog Vinnie will allow this self-promotion. If not, I shall delete their posts for I am just that evil.

Posted by: Chad at 12:18 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 You make self-promotion sound like a bad thing

Posted by: Don Surber at August 02, 2005 01:53 AM (9dzVM)

2 Heh. Oh but it is, Don. Nah. I actually just feel a bit bad self-promoting on someone else's site without paying for it (oh the irony!). I am a public relations executive and I do that for a living, but I can rationalize doing so for a company with the target the media.

Posted by: Chad Evans at August 02, 2005 02:00 AM (8WaYp)

3 Knock yourself out.

Posted by: Howie at August 02, 2005 08:24 AM (D3+20)

4 Chad: If there's already a link to your blog on Rusty's blogroll then other links are just redundant (at least for purposes of the TTLB Ecosystem ranking). If you want people to read a particular piece you wrote, then I assume it's because you feel the piece relevant to some current topic. I don't think Rusty would object to your posting the entire piece on Jawa Report, but the simpler solution is to just post the link, as you have done. If you know Rusty at all then the idea that he'd be opposed to "self-promotion," especially within the blogosphere, is ridiculous. Dude, get a grip. I'll check out your "meet and greet" post, by the way.

Posted by: Demosophist at August 02, 2005 10:22 AM (IbWE6)

5 Thurgood Marshall was a recess appointment.

Posted by: greyrooster at August 05, 2005 07:35 PM (/rKIG)

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Click to enlarge. Caption this photo found at a Muslim singles website. Winners will be announced Monday and will receive 10 dinars and a fatwah for their efforts.

***We have a winner!***

Graeme for this:

"While Khaleed wasn't actually a pilot, Natalie felt a little safer knowing that he did stay at an Uncle Osama's Jihad Inn Express last night."

Graeme, the check is in the email and the fatwah is being written in Tehran as I post.

Posted by: Rusty at 06:49 PM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
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Mr. Right sends us this fine piece. If you remember last week it came out that Air America is under investigation for possibly diverting charity dollars intended to feed poor people to their propaganda operation. Thus choosing to let people go hungry. I guess all those erectile dysfunction ads just aren't paying the bills. So they have started a telethon to raise funds since they can't take rice from the mouths of babes any more.

...JERRY SPRINGER: Thank you, Janeane and Al! A big
wet Air America Radio kiss goes out to Ms. Carrie A.
Grudge of Berkeley, California for her generous
donation of $0.13 and a stale Cheeto, all of which she
just found by digging deep... deep into the cushions
of a couch in her dorm floor lounge! Thank you,
Carrie! Every little bit helps! And after 14 hours,
that brings our grand total to a stunning $227.69! Be
certain to stay tuned, because later on, I will be mud
wrestling two nude toothless midgets with triple-D-cup
sized breasts, live on the air - and at least one of
them, is a man! And now, over to you, Randi!...

Get out your wallets guys.

Posted by: Howie at 09:52 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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