But her memory will live on.....

Posted by: Rusty at 10:13 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Yes, I went to USC. Yes, I'm happy Matt Leinart got the Heisman. Yes, Matt Leinart has a blog. Thanks Cal Tech girl. 42. That is all.

Posted by: Rusty at 08:11 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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"How do you start a winning blog?" asked the WaPo yesterday. Forget what Bill at INDC says. Jeff G. comes closer, but misses the mark. The key to blogging is this: nipples.

Someone with a blog named Witty Sex Kitten dropped a comment today. What better way to attract attention in the sea of unread blogs than to put the phrase sex kitten in your title? Oh, but make sure that if you do sex kitten schtick you pose as a girl. This is crucial.

Seriously, there's good Witty Sex Kitten Schtick and there's bad Witty Sex Kitten schtick. What's the difference??

Start with the avatar. An avatar is a kind of visual image used to embody a person's online persona. For instance Moxie's boots, Beth's girl at the computer, or Little Miss Atilla's demure hottie.

Good Witty Sex Kitten avatar:

Bad Witty Sex Kitten avatar:

Next if you're going to do schtick like this make sure you post an online picture of yourself. Take a lesson from HAC Amanda Doerty--post a picture of a hot chick and pretend that it's you! Cause there is something trite and boring about another dude discussing the metaphysical assumptions behind affirmative action, but there's something intriguing and interesting about a hot young thang discussing the ontology of gay marriage.

Good Witty Sex Kitten fake pic:

Bad Witty Sex Kitten fake pic:

Last, make sure you know that there may be a big disconnect between the reasons you're blogging and the reasons your readers come back regularly. For instance, Amanda Doerty blogs because 'she' thinks 'she' has something important to say about politics and philosophy. However 'she' is well aware that 'her' consumers come to her blog to flirt with 'her', hence 'her' pic is on every page. Wonkette thinks she is witty, but her consumers read her stuff just waiting for the next anal sex reference. It's kind of like Howard Stern for the crowd living in their mother's basement. Moral of the story: make sure that either your fake pic is plastered on every page or you throw in plenty of reference to back door action. What you write is only tangential to the fantasy you project to your readers.

You know, I think I've learned something here today.......From this day, henceforth and forever, we shall be known as the Hot Lesbo Star Wars Report!! and I shall be known as Princess Brittney Spears. Here is my pic. I'm on the left. Toodles.

Posted by: Rusty at 06:29 PM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
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Because I got to do something before the office party tonight! Seriously, tonight is the office Christmas shin-dig. In the spirit of Office Space, here is the fourth verse of Damn it feels good to be a gangsta by the Geto Boys:

And now, a word from the President!
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Gettin voted into the White House
Everything lookin good to the people of the world
But the Mafia family is my boss
So every now and then I owe a favor gettin' down
like lettin' a big drug shipment through
And send 'em to the poor community
So we can bust you know who
So voters of the world keep supportin' me
And I promise to take you very far
Other leaders better not upset me
Or I'll send a million troops to die at war
To all you Republicans, that helped me win
I sincerely like to thank you
Cuz now I got the world swingin' from my nuts
And damn it feels good to be a gangsta

Posted by: Rusty at 05:08 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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One day, 28 posts. Screw you guys I'm going home!!

Posted by: Rusty at 05:29 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Just kidding. I will never post about cats. Never. Neither would Cindy of Immortal Rants. She would however blog about boobs. In particular Bored Housewive's boobs. Me? In my mind you've seen one pair you've seen em all. Does that make me gay?

Posted by: Rusty at 05:04 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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...evidence here.

Posted by: Rusty at 03:59 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Several months ago CBS listed the top bloggers as Wonkette, Kos, and Andrew Sullivan. Let's just say this came as no surprise then. As Ace puts it, "It just so happens that [CBS] only want to quote liberals, talk to liberals, ask questions of liberals, and give press to liberals."

And if any one from CBS happens to come upon this site you should know that I'm anti-war. Very anti-war. Bush=Hitler, Cheney Halliburton, No Blood for Oil....

Posted by: Rusty at 02:54 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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...is getting boring. I saw the new Snoop video this morning, so that is what got me on the kick. There's just something intrinsically funny about a middle-class suburbanite balding white guy getting into harcore gangsta rap. One of my favorite movies of all times is Office Space and there's nothing funnier than the contrast between the soundtrack and the subject matter. Haven't seen it? Go rent it now!

Posted by: Rusty at 01:55 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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...to pop a cap in yo' punk ass! Damn, the holidays are hectic.

Posted by: Rusty at 01:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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...on strike!

Posted by: Rusty at 01:02 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Superhawk and Ace have the fashizzle! You mean Macktastick Rusty can't carry his Glock 9 in the GWN?

Posted by: Rusty at 10:50 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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Sortapundit's sorta-brother sorta has a new blog. Shout out to a new homie in the house.

Posted by: Rusty at 10:41 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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If it hasn't become apparent to everyone who is a regular here, my blogging spirits have been down as of late. First the drop in the ecosystem--plummet is a better word to use. Second, sitmeter is down. Third, I haven't had any time to read other blogs in almost a week.

So, in my ongoing effort to have more fun while engaging in what has become an obsession, I'm going to do some serious link dropping today? Why? Because I'm West Coast, biyatches, and the Crips hang their colors on the left side.

Link dropping is so Old School, for-nizzle.

Posted by: Rusty at 10:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Go here. Enter the My Pet Jawa URL for a whole new experience, biyatches!! (Pimp hat tip: Dr. Stotch)

So this post becomes:

Now THIS Is What da Internet Was Made For!
by Demosophist

If's like vandalism, without a victim, know what I'm sayin'?

(Practical Hint: If yo' ass want pop a bunch at one time, hold down da shift key 'n drag da mouse pointer n' shit. Alternatively, just check da "Manic Mode!" box n' shit. )

Posted by: Rusty at 01:55 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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For the past week I have been running tributes to the forgotten Americans being held hostage in Iraq. Some members of one of the hostages' immediate family have contacted me. They are afraid that overpublicizing their loved ones' plight could hurt his chances for release. Out of respect of the family I have taken down several posts. If you read the posts previously, I ask that you keep continuee to keep him in your prayers.

Posted by: Rusty at 12:06 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Here is a classic from the archives. Enjoy.

Ok, so I've been doing some thinking....not a lot, just some. It seems we can now safely divide our enemies into two camps.

First, you got the jawas. See, these guys don't really like us but don't mind making a buck selling us an R2 unit or oil or whatever. It doesn't matter to them if your part of the Imperial powers that be or a member of the Empire hating Rebel Alliance, as far as they are concerned you are just another colonist that a buck can be made from. more...

Posted by: Rusty at 04:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It seems I've been outted. The secret identity of Dr. Rusty Shackleford finally revealed!! TC Leather Penguin and Rob of Say Anything both found out my true identity. Apparently I'm 38, live in my mother's basement in Jersey and:

The plan was to build a 20-by-12-foot model of a Jawa Sandcrawler, a relatively obscure icon from the original "Star Wars" film, before the next installment of the saga "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" opens in May.

Posted by: Rusty at 04:40 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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In my ongoing effort to practice humility, I urge you not to vote for My Pet Jawa for Best New Blog of 2004. Am I the only one out there who thinks that I don't deserve such an honor? Wait--don't answer that!! What I meant was am I the only blogger who thinks that their own blog is less worthy of an award than other blogs in the same category in which they were nominated?

I see that since I un-endorsed myself that I've dropped from fourth place to like seventh place. I will not rest until I am in last place!! So vote, er, for any one but Jawa. Like Laurence Simon I realize that this blog is full of crap.

The competition is getting pretty ugly out there.

Posted by: Rusty at 03:38 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 No, you're not the only one. I refused to nominate myself. Although, the whole thing is MEANT to just be one big link whoring event. We could just come up with our own event and call it the "Great Big Link Whoring Festival". I'm sure it would be better than Cannes.

Posted by: Editor at December 07, 2004 03:54 PM (adpJH)

2 Editor--very right. Beth--not trying to make any one feel guilty. Wait. Yes I am!!!

Posted by: Rusty at December 07, 2004 04:10 PM (JQjhA)

3 I notice that you said you are "practicing humility," implying that you haven't yet achieved it. Freakin' show off.

Posted by: Preston Taylor Holmes at December 07, 2004 07:14 PM (IILM7)

4 Since I am pretty new to the blog world, I was not aware of these awards. Your the first one I have seen to not beg, bribe, and cry for votes! Therefore, I will vote for you. I like humble men.

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at December 08, 2004 12:13 AM (nrlu9)

5 Well, *I* voted for MyPetJawa as Best New Blog. Just thought I'd share my appreciation.

Posted by: -S- at December 08, 2004 01:03 AM (tLTsA)

6 Maybe I should take this tact as well "don't vote for me!" that way when I lose miserably (as I am now) I can just claim I told people not to vote for me so I don't look like a total dumbass!

Posted by: Digger at December 08, 2004 06:58 AM (FYEx6)

7 I would have voted for the Jawa, seein' how he's my true favorite of the bunch, but he said not to, and I'm an order-following sheep. Defeating Kerry Spot is a much more noble goal.

Posted by: Preston Taylor Holmes at December 08, 2004 10:06 AM (WsZ4F)

8 Yeah, like Kerry Spot is really a blog. Not everything on the internet is a blog. If I work for a company, and that company pays me to put stuff on the internet, I'm not a freaking blogger!!!!!

Posted by: Rusty at December 08, 2004 12:13 PM (JQjhA)

9 Well I have no shame in the link-whoring department. BTW, should I retract my vote for mpj?

Posted by: MartiniPundit at December 08, 2004 04:27 PM (fLdsW)

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....curse you NZ Bear!! I went from 33 to 83 in a matter of two weeks? Ouch.

I have always been taught that you either humble yourself or you will be humbled. I have been humbled.

To be honest, I never understood how I rocketed to the top so quickly. Last month, for a time, the TTLB Ecosystem was showing that 100+ new unique links to the Jawa were being added each day. I knew there was an error. Still, I enjoyed the lie while it lasted.

I now know what it is like to be Milli and/or Vanilli. Trust me, it sucks. Oh the fame is great. And there's the chicks, don't forget the chicks. Ok, so there's no chicks. But how about all the begs for link plugs? When your three slots away from Mortal Human status you get a ton of requests. It's almost like spam.

So, the Jawa Report returns to earth. Yes, we're still in the top 100 out of tens of thousands of active blogs, but it just doesn't feel the same.

And my dream of mounting Wonkette? Not gonna happen in this lifetime. At least, not as long as adolescent males find a redhead's allusions to anal sex titilating.

Question: Now that Rusty has been brought down to earth and is forced into keeping it real---should we go back to the My Pet Jawa name??? What about Jawa Pundit??? Any suggestions???

Posted by: Rusty at 02:17 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
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