May 31, 2005

I'm Muslim, Bitch! Islam to Blame for Chappelle Show Demise

dave_chappelle_as_rick_james_bitch.jpgHold on. Just give me a second to breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. I need to sit down. This has to be some kind of sick joke.

Dave.....Chappelle.....Is....A.....Muslim?

Chappelle struggling to make his faith, comedy work. Comedian trying to reconcile Muslim beliefs with irreverent show.
Ok, as an avid Dave Chappelle fan, I've got to say that this one totally is throwing me for a loop. The star of the drug comedy Half Baked and the man who single-handedly made the word bitch acceptable in every day usage doesn't drink alcohol and won't eat pork?

Something is not right in this story.

Aha! It is all making sense now. Check out this part of the story:

He was having problems throughout the writing," Farley added. "It dealt with some very difficult sexual and political and racial material ... He himself has sort of changed inside as he has become a practicing Muslim and so with all those issues and the fact that he wants to make sure the show projects him and his comedy in the right light."
So he either recently converted to Islam or he was already a Muslim but not practicing until recently.

So, add to my list of grievences against Islam the demise of the Dave Chappelle show.

Does the Religion of Peace have to destroy everything that I love!!!

Hat tip Bill Dauterieve.

Question to readers: If Chappelle returns to the show as a practicing Muslim, what sort of comedy bits would he run?

The Jawa Report presents: The top ten skits from the new, improved, and now Halal Dave Chappelle Show.

10) Tyrone Biggums (aka, crackhead) "I need crack so I can get stoned....to death!"

9) Samuel L. Jackson: "SAMUEL L. JACKSON BEER WILL GET A NIGGA DRUNK, FAST! (SO DON'T DRINK IT BECAUSE THEN THE JEWS CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND KEEP YOU IN THE GHETTO)!"

Slow motion distorts reality skit:
Non-slow motion cam: Dave walks into bar. Sees friends across floor. Waves. Walks over. Sits down.

Slow motion reality distorting cam: Dave walks into bar. Sees friends across floor. Waves. Walks over. Blows self and bar up.

7) Negrodomus: "I see the great judgement. First, we will hunt down the Jews and kill them. Then, and only then, will the Hidden Prophet reveal the location of the Chronic fields of Paradise."

6) Dave getting picked for jury duty:
Lawyer: "Is Michael Jackson guilty?"
Dave: "Yes. He's a Jehovah's Witness."
Lawyers: "How about OJ Simpson?"
Dave: "That adultress bitch was just being punished under sharia...."
Lawyer: "Kobe Bryant?"
Dave: "A nigga can have more than one wife..."
Lawyer: "Abu Musab al Zarqawi?"
Dave: "Hell no!"

5) With Wayne Brady:
WB: "Let's kill us some motha-f**kin queers."
Dave: "Ok."

4) President Muslim Bush: "He tried to kill my father, man. I don't play that shit."
Muslim Vice President: "Say word he tried to kill your father, son."
President Muslim Bush: "THAT NIGGA ASS JEW TRIED TO KILL MY FATHA!"

3) Reporter: "Allah?"
Lil John: "YES!"
Reporter: "Jews?"
Lil John: "WHAT?"
Reporter: "Jews?"
Lil John: "WHAT?"
Reporter: "J-O-O-S?"
Lil John: "Hell no"

2) Prince: "Do you and your fellas want to play me and the Revolution in a game of basketball?"
Charlie Murphy (narrating): "I'm tellin y'all, those guys could ball."
Prince: "That's game, bitches."
Charlie Murhphy (narrating): "Afterwards, he served us pancakes."
Prince: "American ignorance and prejudice is forcing young Muslims to become radicalized and join terrorist organizations."

1) "Hey, you virgin bitches come over here and get temporarily married to Charlie Murphy. I'm Ayatollah Khomeini, bitch!"

*Linked to Joyner's daily linkfest since no one else besides Tim and me seems to think this post is as brilliant as I know it is.

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May 30, 2005

Happy Memorial Day Troops

Wishing our Imperial Troops all the best on this Memorial Day! This one's on me....... more...

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May 24, 2005

Give Saddam Some of that Old Time Rock 'n Roll

Saddam Hussein does his best Tom Cruise impression.

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May 10, 2005

That's nothing, I wept at the trailor

Spielberg Weeps At Star Wars Screening

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May 09, 2005

Gabba-Gabba-Hey

ramones_logo.jpg

....because I have pinkeye and nothing goes with brain better than The Ramones. Hat tip: TC Leather Penguin

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May 05, 2005

Forget Brad Pitt: Angelina Jolie Meets Prime Minister of Pakistan

B-I-Z-A-R-R-E. Ok, you know the U.N. is in trouble when Angelina Jolie has to do their P.R. work for them. Siffy News:

'Tomb Raider' star Angelina Jolie met Pakistan Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz in Islamabad to commend him for the role his country played in hosting Afghan refugees.

Jolie, who is a UN goodwill ambassador, is on a three-day visit to Pakistan, after reports showed that more than three million Afghans were living in Pakistan.

So is THAT my ticket to meeting Angelina Jolie??

I HEREBY DECLARE THAT ALL REFUGEES ARE WELCOME IN MY HOME. FURTHER, I INVITE THE UNHCR TO SEND A 'GOODWILL AMBASSADOR' TO MY HOUSE TO INSPECT THE REFUGEE CAMPS.

UPDATE: Kofie Annan sends Angelina Jolie to my house to inspect my refugee camp on special goodwill mission. Pics below. more...

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May 04, 2005

Forget the Horse, Spank the Monkey-Milk the Llama!!

So many people have e-mailed me about the Laura Bush jokes. Granted, dirty jokes are much better when coming from Jenna. Mmmmmm, Jenna Bush....dirty jokes....

AS A CITIZEN JOURNALIST I DEMAND MORE DIRTY JOKES COMING FROM JENNA BUSH'S FILTHY FILTHY MOUTH!!!

Anyway, INDeCent Bill pretty much sums up my thoughts, but in limerick form.

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May 03, 2005

Strange Brew Reality Show: Finger Found in Frozen Custard

strange_brew_mckenzie.jpgRemember that movie Strange Brew? No? You 'tard, go rent it. Classic. Anyway, in that movie the McKenzie brothers run this scam to try and get free beer. You know the scam I'm talking about, they raise a mouse in a beer bottle.

With all this news about fingers being found in all sorts of foodstuffs I can't help but wonder if various deadbeats aren't just trying to get some free stuff. But frozen custard? Who would want a lifetime supply of frozen custard? Freaking hosers.

Tim from Opinion Bug sends along this link: more...

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