December 29, 2004

Break Out the Rain Gear and the Tin Foil Hats

Paul at Wizbang has done an extraordinary job of compiling some of the latest moonbat conspiracy theories out there. Did you know that the earthquake that caused the tsunami that killed over 60,000 people was Bush's fault? It's also the fault of right-wing Republicans who are driving our three to four kids around in our SUV trying to buy gifts around Christmas time.

Oh and by the way, while people died from tsunamis, Bush has done nothing which is why someone wants to impeach Bush. My only question is what is Bush supposed to do? He has a cabinet and the cabinet members are the ones handling aid.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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What a Ride

Some jackass decided it would be the fun thing to do and broke my back window out of my Jeep Grand Cherokee. Out of all of the windows someone could break, they break the one I look out of the most with tint (front windshield doesn't have tint). Naturally the cost of repair will be around $500, but thankfully I have full insurance and won't pay a dime other than the cost of gas to drive my happy ass up to the dealership.

This is the strange thing about it though. They didn't take anything! Not as if I had anything valuable in my car, but they could have taken something. I had an ice scrapper, Maglite, jumper cables, two truck tie-downs and three of my favorite hats in arms reach. Does the person who broke the window not like anything of mine? If they don't, then that's the ultimate put-down.

They risk getting caught and getting thrown in jail for vandalism (five other cars in my neighborhood last night alone), make me clean up tiny pieces of glass in which I cut my hands a few times, lose whatever object they threw at the car and they don't even bother to take anything to reward them of their quest? What kind of sick, young f&*@ does stuff like this?

Life is about risks and rewards. The person took the risk of getting caught and thrown into the city pound-me-in-the -___ prison, he should have at least taken a reward. My Chicago Cubs hat might look good on him. It's practically brand new.

So, anywho, blogging will be light today while I try to replace my back window and make sure they are connecting the defroster correctly, and the rear windshield wiper, and handle to open it, and the shocks to lift the window and the neon lighted sign that reads "Too Legit." It's a shame. Now I have to buy a new Texas Tech University sticker too. Maybe I'll get one of those silver car ornaments instead?

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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December 28, 2004

Anyone Game for Some Noodling?

Noodling anyone? I'll stick with a fly rod.

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NHSA: Teens Can't Handle SUVs

- Washington Times

Washington, DC, Dec. 28 (UPI) -- A U.S. traffic safety group says teenage drivers are often incapable of driving sport utility vehicles safely, the Washington Post reported Tuesday.

The National Highway Safety Administration said that 49 people aged 15 to 20 died in SUV and pickup truck accidents in Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia last year.

The group says SUVs have a higher center of gravity and are harder to control in an emergency, which makes inexperienced drivers more likely than others to end up as statistics.


I can think of another large demographic that cannot control SUVs too. I'll let me readers infer as to which I mean.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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In Case You Were Wondering If The War On Terror Was Effective

Consider that on September 11, 2001 Osama bin Laden organized an assault on the United States that led to the deaths of 3,000 people and the destruction of an American symbol of prosperity.

On December 27, 2004, Osama urges a "boycott" of Iraqi elections.

Osama bin Laden endorsed Abu-Musab al-Zarqawi as his deputy in Iraq and called for a boycott of next month's elections there.

Ouch. His pals on IndyMedia have been advocates of such hard-hitting calls to action for years now.

I predict that sometime in the next six months Osama will organize a protest where his loyal Mujhadeen will wear paper-mache heads of Tony Blair and George Bush. They will march, then in a symbolic gesture, drink Coors and induce vomiting to symbolically show their outrage at corporate excesses. Due to cultural misunderstandings, however, we will completely agree that Coors is piss-water. Sales of Sam Adams (Brewer-Patriot) will skyrocket.

(cross posted at Cranky Neocon)

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December 27, 2004

About Time

- Denver Post (via Interested Participant)

Colorado Springs - Colorado drivers have less than a week before they will start getting fined for using the left lane of highways for anything but passing.

Starting Jan. 1, troopers will stop warning drivers and start issuing $35 tickets, plus a $6.20 surcharge and three points on their license.

A six-month-old law says the left lane is to be used only for passing on any of Colorado's multilane highways where the speed limit is 65 mph or faster. Lawmakers passed the bill, hoping to prevent traffic congestion and cut down on road rage.

"When I learned to drive, they told me, 'The left lane is for passing. The right lane is for driving,"' State Patrol Trooper Sara Shipley said recently.


As I consider Colorado my second state and hopeful future destination, I can't believe they are finally doing something about this. Never before have I seen more people who go under the speed limit park in the left lane of traffic on an interstate. The right lane is usually the faster of two lanes, however due to rush-hour traffic, the right lane gets clogged when people are trying to exit the highway.

I was in the Denver area for about a month over the Summer when this law became active. People were protesting the law while outsiders were laughing as to why this was even an issue. I can confirm this is an issue and it's about damn time Colorado officers will start enforcing it.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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While The Jawa Is Away

Rusty's people called my people this afternoon. They were concerned that Chad's writing was giving this site too much respectability while the Ruster was on vacation.

"Can I my add own personal brand of bling-bling?" his PR man Jimmy Tusken asks me.

"Babe, the Cranky Neocon can do that," I reply.

sandcrawler_trick.jpg

So enjoy a few of my special touches around here. I'll be blogging until Rusty returns or he takes the keys away. Whichever comes first.

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December 26, 2004

Heh

Could a school find something more useful to spend their time debating then banning?

Hat tip: The Roth Report

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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December 23, 2004

Decorate the Pole; Festivus is Here

- New York Times (via Poliblog)

GATHER around the Festivus pole and listen to a tale about a real holiday made fictional and then real again, a tale that touches on philosophy, King Lear, the pool at the Chateau Marmont hotel, a paper bag with a clock inside and, oh yes, a television show about nothing.

The first surprise is that from Tampa Bay, Fla., to Washington, from Austin, Tex., to Oxford, Ohio, many real people are holding parties celebrating Festivus, a holiday most believe was invented on an episode of "Seinfeld" first broadcast the week before Christmas in 1997.

"More and more people are familiar with what Festivus is, and it's growing," said Jennifer Galdes, a Chicago restaurant publicist who organized her first Festivus party three years ago. "This year many more people, when they got the invite, responded with, `Will there be an airing of the grievances and feats of strength?' "


As a bit of a Seinfeld fan that many friends of mine might have noticed, this story is just too funny not to post upon. One of my all-time favorite episodes of Seinfeld is the one with Festivus (behind The Chicken Roaster). Thankfully my family does not celebrate Festivus, though it might be nice to simply have a pole instead of decorate a Christmas tree every year. Sure, you have to store a pole, but you don't have to worry about spacing out the Christmas lights just perfect with a bulb at the end of every single branch as my late grandfather was a stickler about.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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December 22, 2004

Anti-Texan Bigotry

This is just sad. Yes, anti-Texan bigotry is everywhere and I have documented it before, but come on now.

NEW YORK - Yeehaw! MTV's "The Real World" is headed to Austin, Texas. "We've been thinking about Austin for a long time," co-creator and executive producer Jon Murray told The Associated Press Wednesday.

Well saddle my britches, slap my cow Betsy and call it a day. Austin is about as cowboy as San Francisco is to Conservative. Why must people continue to believe everyone in Texas is a cowboy and screams out yeehaw? I believe the last time I heard that came from someone (no names) from New Jersey. Or was that yeeeaaaghh?

Update:
Fearing a Texas-charged lawsuit, the Associated Press has changed the lead paragraph.

NEW YORK - Dude! MTV's "The Real World" is headed to Austin, Texas. "We've been thinking about Austin for a long time," co-creator and executive producer Jon Murray told The Associated Press Wednesday.

Notice the change from Yeehaw to Dude.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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Sue Wal-Mart

We should all sue Wal-Mart. Why you ask? For one they sold an album with the 'F' word on it that enraged parents then they had the audacity of following the gun laws in Texas but are getting sued by the parents of a girl who committed suicide.

You know you want to sue Wal-Mart. Everyone's doing it and a lawsuit doesn't always have to make sense.

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Violence Against Santa on the Rise

Attacks on Santa Claus are a stark reminder just how naughty some people can be. While random acts of violence occur all the time around the world, why would someone pick on Saint Nick?

A group of French teenagers have mugged Father Christmas, attempting to steal his sack of presents.

The man dressed as Santa Claus was handing out sweets in the southern town of Ales when things turned nasty.

One of the teenagers demanded extra sweets and, when the red-cloaked Santa refused, he and his friends started kicking and pummelling the man.

- BBC


I wish I could report that was the only incident of violence against Santa, but Shamokin, Pennsylvania Santa was shot at with a pellet gun. I know what these people are getting in their stockings this Christmas.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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December 21, 2004

Israelis Channel Holocaust in Gaza Withdrawl

- Associated Press

JERUSALEM - Igniting a public uproar, some Jewish settlers said Tuesday they will soon start wearing orange stars on their shirts in a provocative campaign comparing the government's Gaza withdrawal plan to the Nazi Holocaust.

The announcement was the latest escalation in the settlers' drive to block the pullout. On Monday, settler leaders called for mass resistance against the withdrawal — even if it means going to jail.

Settler activists in Gaza said they would distribute the orange stars — reminiscent of the yellow stars that Jews living under Nazi rule were forced to wear — this weekend.

"I want to raise my voice to show that this is illegitimate, to shake the people of Israel to their core," Arieh Tzur, a resident of the Ganei Tal settlement, told Israel Army Radio. Tsur, the son of a Holocaust survivor, said survivors who live in the Gaza settlements support the effort.


Without getting into the politics of the situation of a Gaza withdrawl, is it right for Israelis to bring up the scars of the Holocaust in this instance? I hardly believe the systematic slaughtering of millions of Jews corresponds with pulling out of a region. The Holocaust does not just resonate with Jews, it resonates with everyone based on the horror of what happened.

This is where I'd like to open it up to the readers. Without going into specifics regarding what your own personal beliefs of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict are, is it right for a group to "relive" the Holocaust in order to protest a withdrawl? Naturally you have to believe the Holocaust happened and not be shrouded in your own hatred for all things Zionist in order to intelligently comment.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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December 15, 2004

Taxi Driver Shoots Man in Bin Laden Mask

You can't make this stuff up!! AP:

A startled taxi driver shot and wounded a jokester wearing a plastic mask of the al-Qaida leader, police said Tuesday. Leonel Arias, 47, told police he was playing a practical joke by donning the Bin Laden mask, toting his pellet rifle and jumping out to scare drivers on a narrow street in his hometown, Carrizal de Alajuela, about 20 miles north of San Jose.

Arias had startled several drivers that way on Monday afternoon. But when he jumped out in front of taxi driver Juan Pablo Sandoval, the motorist reached for a gun and shot him twice in the stomach. He was hospitalized in stable condition. "For me and I think for anybody else at a time like that one thinks the worst and so I fired my gun," Sandoval told Channel 7 television.

Police declined to detain Sandoval, saying he had believed he was acting in self-defense.

About all those dead hookers in my basement....you didn't notice those Zarqawi masks on them? Hat Tip: James Joyner

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December 10, 2004

VH1 Reinforces My Homophobia

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Back in high school I used to worry that gay people were all around me. Especially worrisome was the dreaded locker room change. No, I wasn't worried that some Senior would make fun of me--Rusty packs some serious heat--I was worried that the gays were checking out my junk. It turns out, they were!!

I was watching VH1's My Coolest Years: In the Closet episode when they started rapping about what it was like to be gay and in gym class. All of the guys agreed: On the one hand being gay sucked because gays were all scrawny and unathletic, but on the other hand being gay also ruled because they got to check out all the hot guys undressing in the locker room!

As one of the gay commentators noted (and I'm paraphrasing): I was the first one in the shower and the last one out!

And in the words of another (also paraphrasing): I didn't have to rent porn. I was surrounded by dick. Dick everywhere I looked!! (yes, he used the word dick)

One mentioned that after the locker room he would go home and flog the monkey!!

So, the moral of the story seems to be this: Teenage boys beware!! Gays are just like you--like they tell you in all your PC classes. But what are you like you freaking little horndogs? Oh, and girls, just remember this when you get that creepy feeling that some guy is totally checking your bits and pieces out: they really are. And the next time you think some guy is oogling you be comforted in the fact that you're not alone because occasionally we get oogled too!

One of my biggest dreams as a teenager was to re-enact that scene from Porky's. You know the one. Now to my horror I learn that all the gays got to do just that.

So as GLAD/ACT UP! tries to do away with the Don't Ask/Don't Tell policy remember this--do you want your fellow soldiers checking out your junk in the shower?

And as the ACLU pushes to integrate gay leaders into the Boy Scouts of America remember that there is a reason we call sex with a teenage minor statutory rape and that Boy Scouts are not children but adolecent boys (12-1 . Would you trust a 25 year old man to take your 14 year old daughter camping for a week? Well you shouldn't you naive idiot.

So, thank you VH1 for making clear what all of us who don't buy the PC bullshit about homosexuality. Gays are just like the rest of the male species. Oh, except for the fact that they want to, you know, have sex with other guys.

Linked with Joyner. Now does that sound gay or what? Also, this post is a shoe in for next week's Bonfire.

PS: (Probably of no interest to most readers) Speaking of gay....Bill at INDC (who is still not gay despite all the rumors) must have a part time gig at the Village Voice because in true ACT UP! fashion he outs Steve and Rob. Jawa sources indicate that Rob has filed a sexual harassment suit against Steve and has quit his post as Gov. Steve's Sec. of Homeland Securtiy for Llama-land. Steve is expected to hold a press conference tomorrow where he confirms that, yes, he had an affair with Rob--but, no, it was consensual. Colossus blog has another version of the story.

Paranthetically, I never showered with Llama but there was this one dude who would make this weird orgle sound in the locker. Kind of creepy thinking back.

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Poncho, Poncho, Ponchoman

In the army, there is a form of punishment called an RBI (Reinforcement By Indorsement) in which the soldier is required to write a 1,000 word essay to describe his errors in judgment and so on. In this case, I have been forwarded an RBI written by a gentleman who failed to bring all his proper equipment to a function. And it is well, well worth the read. It starts a little something like this...

"It is Extremely Important that I Bring my Equipment Every Day Because if I Don't the Drill Sergeant makes me write a stupid R.B.I., which I must write, because if I don't the Army will kick me out, instantly ruining my life because I will be unable to get a job, and I will wind up living in a cardboard box because sometimes society can be a cruel, cruel entity.

Therefore, I will always from now on bring my poncho to chow because as everyone knows, it often rains inside of the mess hall. I also do not like to live in a cardboard box."

From there, it just gets funnier, and includes such phrases as "... some stunning orchids, or perhaps maybe a Rhododendron."

(Simultaneously launched by Bravo Romeo Delta from Demosophia, The Jawa Telegraph, & Anticipatory Retaliation)

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December 09, 2004

The Zen of Michael Moore

What does it look like when Michael Moore becomes 'one with his couch'? Answer here.

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Vote Team America: World Police!!!

Team America: World Police is up for 'Favorite Animated Movie' at the People's Choice Awards. Go Here to VOTE!!

Brian B. wants The Passion to win for Favorite Movie Drama which I guess I'll go along with since I haven't seen any of the other flicks. To be honest I haven't seen most of the movies or even heard of most of the TV Shows.

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Tron Comes to Life in Japan

Ok, now they're just overcompensating! Ok, for more Asia news go read Simon.

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Pantera Shooting....

Who - the - hell - is - this - Pantera - dude - any - way?

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