October 10, 2005

Otulb the Terrible Explains Columbus Day

Bluto is oppressing the masses today by playing golf with his son. While Bluto amuses his atavistic capitalistic impulses with a game that celebrates the symbolic rape of oppressed peoples everywhere, I, Otulb the Terrible, shall explain to you why today is not a holiday, but an occasion to mourn with the wearing of sackcloth and the gnashing of teeth.

We are called to "celebrate" the birth of an Italian merchant prince, a rogue whose name is Anglicized to "Christopher Columbus", who we are lead to believe is responsible for the "discovery" of the "New World". Blasphemy! Columbus merely happened upon a world previously discovered by its pure, innocent, peaceful, indigenous peoples who were living in a state of equilibrium with sacred Nature. Columbus allowed all of the evil that flowed from the reactionary proto-capitalist centers of trade and commerce in Europe.

Centuries before, Leif Ericson had noted the existence of the Americas and correctly identified the inhabitants as sharing the peaceful, nature-loving tenets of his own misunderstood Viking culture. Ericson lovingly protected the environment of the American aborigines by concealing its existence from the monstrous monarchical regimes already oppressing most of Europe. The gentle Viking knew, from the oppression practiced against his people by the vicious barbarians to the south, that the rapacious Europeans would spell doom for the worthy cultures flourishing in the "New World".

But the greedy merchant princes of Italy and Spain were not to be denied. Not satisfied with their growing oppression of the peaceful Japanese and Chinese cultures, they sought a shorter route to impose their will on their Asian brothers and discovered an innocent childlike race to brutalize.

All modern evil has flowed from the voyage of Columbus. It was his "discovery" that allowed the rise of the maniacal West, through the exploitation of the resources of the Americas. Surely, Adolph Hitler would have succeeded in wiping the stain of Western civilization from the map had it not been for the intervention of the diseased oligarchy running the United States. Likewise, Brother Lenin's holy experiment in raising up the oppressed masses came to grief only through the intervention of the imperial American hegemonistic bourgeoisie and their running dog lackeys in NATO. Even today, the vile scions of American imperialist exploiters afflict and oppress our peaceful Muslim brothers in pursuit of the Holy Oil.

Otulb the Terrible invites you to join him in cursing the memory of the evil merchant prince who has brought so much suffering into the world.

Down with Christopher Columbus! Vile Oppressor of Generations and Tool of the Worldwide Capitalist Conspiracy!

Otulb has also posted this right-thinking historical document at The Dread Pundit Bluto.

Posted by: Bluto at 06:23 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 456 words, total size 3 kb.

1 What colombus discovered was no paridise many indians made slaves of others and this indidgionus peoples day nonsenses is just plain rediclous

Posted by: sandpiper at October 10, 2005 07:58 PM (760E/)

2 Revisionist reactionary pap propagated by the ruling Western oligarchs! Next you will be spouting the typical anti-Muslim propaganda of BusHitlerBurton. Capitalist tool.

Posted by: Otulb the Terrible at October 10, 2005 08:18 PM (RHG+K)

3 You forgot to blame the Templars, Freemasons, and most importantly of all, the JOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOoooooooos!

Posted by: Improbulus Maximus at October 10, 2005 09:06 PM (0yYS2)

4 Actually Columbus was a Catalan: According to historian Charles Merrill, analysis of his handwriting indicates that it is typical of someone who was a native Catalan, and Columbus's phonetic mistakes in Castilian are "most likely" those of a Catalan. Also, that he married a Portuguese noblewoman is presented as evidence that his origin was of nobility rather than the Italian merchant class, since it was unheard of during his time for nobility to marry outside their class. This same theory suggests he was the illegitimate son of a prominent Catalan sea-faring family, which had served as mercenaries in a sea battle against Castilian forces. Fighting against Ferdinand and being illegitimate were two excellent reasons for keeping his origins obscure. Furthermore, the disinternment of his brother's body shows him to be a different age, by nearly a decade, than the "Bartolome Colombo" of the Genoese family. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Columbus

Posted by: Carlos at October 10, 2005 09:08 PM (8e/V4)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Comments are disabled. Post is locked.
20kb generated in CPU 0.0195, elapsed 0.1607 seconds.
118 queries taking 0.1529 seconds, 246 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.