March 31, 2006

Women Pee Standing Up

So there goes your final hook-up fail-safe. Maybe she does just look butch.

Posted by: Rusty at 10:16 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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March 27, 2006

John Kerry's Porn Addiction

John Kerry has a compulsive pornography addiction, new documents released by The Smoking Gun reveal. In a rider stipulating important hotel ammenities including 'celery' and a 'recumbant bike', Kerry's 2004 election camp also insisted that:

...the ability to order movies n-suite (sic) should always be turned on and ready for JK's arrival. I know this may seem trivial but these things make JK very happy.
Okay, so nowhere in the documents is pornography mentioned. But, come on, you do the math. Pay-per-view hotel movies make John Kerry, not just happy, but very happy. Campaign financed in-room movies with the not-so-subtle disclosure that movie titles do not show up on credit card bill. That alone isn't enough to convince me John Kerry likes the porn, but, come on, have you seen Teresa Heinz-Kerry lately? You'd turn to porn, too.

teresa_heinz_kerry_shocked_ugly.jpg

Hat tip to Ace who has a great Top Ten list.

Posted by: Rusty at 02:49 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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March 22, 2006

What Country Has the Hottest Military Babes?

A raging debate has started as to which nation produces the hottest women soldiers over at Military Photos. There are now over 365 pages of pics--the longest thread ever at the website. Who would have thought that our men in the armed services would care so deeply about babes?

So, which nation has the hottest military babes? It's so hard to judge these things. I mean, take an average looking chick. Throw a uniform on her. Have her pose with an M-16. Voila, she is suddenly transformed from girl next door to candidate for Playmate of the Year! Or at least, that's how I see it. There's just something hot about a chick with a gun and an urge to kill terrorists.

What is obvious about this photo series is that there is clearly a hot military babe gap. No, America has produced its share of very hot soldiers, marines, navy babes, and air women, but come on--we're the freakin USA! I mean, are we going to sit back and be comfortable with being among the nations with the world's hottest military chicks? Hell no! This is America, not Canada.

It's high time for our millitary recruiters to head to top modeling agencies, sorority houses, and strip clubs, so that we can boast to the world that we have the hottest soldiers in the world.

All the images below are SFW. Check them out and then answer this poll. more...

Posted by: Rusty at 11:33 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
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March 21, 2006

Fred Phelps will Rot in Hell (+ good gay)

UPDATE: Image stolen from Ace of Spades HQ. I figure since we share the same server, Ace can't sue me for sucking his bandwidth.
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Have you ever got a link that you wish would just go away? For some reason The Jawa Report has hit the radar screen of one Rev. Fred Phelp's "God Hates Fags" website. It's the official website of the Westboro Baptist Church. These are the assholes who make it a point to protest at the funerals of our heroic men and women of the military, slain in the line of duty.

Just to set the record straight, let me state the official position of The Jawa Report's editorial board on homosexuality:

We fully support the rights of hot lipstick-lesbians to engage in gratuitous public acts of indecency--provided no children are present. Moreover, if said hot lipstick-lesbians include one or more of the following, we believe it the patriotic duty of every red-blooded, apple pie loving, patriotic, American male to video afforementioned gratuitous public acts of indecency for prompt distribution on the internet:
Angelina Jolie
Natalie Portman
Carrie Fisher, young (or any look alike)
Jessica Alba
Cameron Diaz (no llamas)
Bai Ling
Mrs. Norm Coleman
Jane Fonda (pre-treason)
Madonna (young)
Helena Houdova
Brittney Spears
Pataki's strippers
Ann Coulter
Kylie Minogue
Gerri Halliwell
Marey Carey
Terri Hatcher
Anna Nicole Smith (cert worthy)
Muslim apostates Michelle Leslie (aka "Michelle Lee") & Deeyah

& for the sake of the Laama Butcher's Melissa Theuriau

We'll also throw in Jennifer Love Hewitt for The Maximum Leader

UPDATE: For clarification sake, let me just say that the list is not fully inclusive, but only a representative sample. So, Scarlett Johanson & Kate Beckinsale are just kind of implied.

As for bad gay homosexuality---which includes all unattractive and/or butch lesbians and any two guys, however attractive they may be--we affirm the traditional Christian notion that God loves every one in spite of their sins.

Although God loves the gays, we do have a feeling that he finds homosexuality icky and gross. We also have a feeling Charles Darwin might take issue with it.

In addition to "hating fags", Phelps also hates America. His website's logo is an upside down American flag. Notice that I didn't link back to those filthy traitors?

Oh, and I don't believe that most Democrats are traitors It's just that most traitors seem to be Democrats. more...

Posted by: Rusty at 05:32 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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March 14, 2006

Can Hookers Save Islam?

If the Germans believe that mobilizing an army of hookers will help reduce the normal amounts of violence associated with the World Cup, wouldn't logic dictate that a few thousand prostitutes are what is needed to stop the annual Haj stampede? And if that is the case, maybe we should unleash Amsterdam's Red Light district on the Sunni Triangle?

It could work........

Posted by: Rusty at 02:38 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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March 02, 2006

Ted Turner-Jane Fonda's Menage a Trois (and Hot Carls)

For the record, no I didn't know how to spell menage a trois. Curiously, some of my readers & fellow-bloggers seem very familiar with such terms. Almost as if they use the phrase quite often.

So, in the interest of linguistics, is it hot Carl or hot Karl?

If you must know, go here and read the comments: Jane Fonda-Ted Turner Threesome Sex Tape.

UPDATE: For an expert opinion, go ask Feisty Republican Whore.

Posted by: Rusty at 08:11 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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March 01, 2006

Jane Fonda-Ted Turner Threesome Sex Tape (videos we'd pay NOT to see)

Last year the Jawa Report brought you news that Jane Fonda had participated in some three-way action at the insistence of the husband of her youth, Roger Vadim. Let's just say the thought of a young Jane Fonda, straight out of Barbarella, with another woman is not one that is too unpleasant.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Jane Fonda is a traitor. But, come on, the chick was a swinger baby! We'll call that the good Jane Fonda treasonous manage a trois. (As opposed to that other kind of manage a trois, which is always bad--you know, like the kind in Chasing Amy)

When does a Jane Fonda treasonous manage a trois get bad?

Fast forward to the way-past-her-prime Mrs. Ted Turner Jane Fonda days. Now try hard not to imagine a managa a trois which includes the mustached one. Now try even harder not to imagine that manage a trois featuring an ex-hippie/aging aerobics instructor with a man who believed he could single-handedly end the Cold War with a pathetic substitute for the Olympics--on video. NY Sun [Warning: before proceeding, please note you may need many years of therapy to get the following non-graphic images out of your head]: more...

Posted by: Rusty at 05:49 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
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