December 12, 2005

The Blog Sabbath Caption Contest: The Ayatolla Is Well Endowed Edition *Fatwas Issued*

Caption this photo of Mohammed (Hans Blix Is My Bitch) El Baradei pointlessly pontificating on something somewhere.

Fatwas will be issued Monday at the earliest convenience.

Which, truth be told, isn't all that early at all.

But hey, at least I keep my word, I don't promise fatwas on Monday and deliver on Wednesday, like SOME authors here have done in the past.

Honorary fatwa bestowed on Mr. Venom before any comments are made, because he scares me, and I don't like urine running down my leg.

**Fatwas issued. Told you it would be late, but I was taken by tookie, or is it tooken by tookie, eh, whatever.**

4 fatwas and a funeral (and a write in vote for mayor of Carmel, CA) to Graeme for:

""So I'm in Ahmadinejad's office and I whip out my metaphorical 44s and I say in my famous Clint Eastwood voice: I know what you're thinking. Did he issue six sternly worded letters or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as the IAEA is part of the UN, the most prolific writer of sternly worded letters in the world, and would instantly swamp your desk, your paper shredder and your recycling bins, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk? That's when Ahamdinejad conceded defeat and promised that Iran's nuclear program would only be used for civilian use. Then he had to excuse himself to take an urgent phone call about a new Russian-built rocket motor, or something like that.""

The "eat 'em, they'll make you horny" fatwa to Oyster for:

""So you see? My right hand knew not what my left hand doeth for some time now."" [sooper sekrit note to Oyster, take the [dot] out, spam will find you anyway. Trust me on this one. heh.]

The "dammit, now I have to change my underwear" fatwa to Mr. Venom, who freaks me out with that email, for:

""I have seen the Iranians' facilities, and their spent fuel rods are this big. What, why must you always laugh when I say that?""

(dishonorable mention) The "my favorite minuteman cuts off heads, because I'm a squealing halfwit moron" fatwa goes to Screw Em, for:

"Soooo....what brown skin folk we toasting the death of today? And which American soldiers we ignoring the deaths of by lies today?


Bueller?"

Thanks for playing, come again next week, and vote for VAM, cuz that guy that de-linked Rusty is in the lead again. Poopyhead.


Posted by: Vinnie at 11:31 PM | Comments (31) | Add Comment
Post contains 445 words, total size 3 kb.

1 "We were this close to getting Saddam to comply when that cowboy Bush ..."

Posted by: hondo at December 10, 2005 11:21 PM (3aakz)

2 "Hans was convinced Saddam would comply! Why their last meeting in the palace was quite fruitful - afterwards, all were in a jovial mood! Saddam even entertained everyone present with his favorite song ... We'll meet again - don't know where - don't know when - but I know that it will be - some Sunni day! He has a good voice you know!"

Posted by: hondo at December 11, 2005 12:00 AM (3aakz)

3 "I'm going to let President Ahmadinejad give it to me this far up my keister. Metaphorically speaking, that is. Then again, he looks soooo HOT with that beard, don't you think?"

Posted by: Insomniac at December 11, 2005 01:21 AM (6krEN)

4 "To protect Iran's and NK's natural right to develop nuclear weapons, we shall restrict the warmongering West's arsenal to a single Bowie Knife, this long." "And the Israeli approached the Palestinian civilian .. pshew pshew pshew." "Annan told me to bend me over, took two of his fingers and ... " "From border to border, Israel should be yay-wide." "UN? Global peace and security? We're intrinsically woven into the same fabric, see?"

Posted by: Pea at December 11, 2005 02:57 AM (Rs5sH)

5 Soooo....what brown skin folk we toasting the death of today? And which American soldiers we ignoring the deaths of by lies today? Bueller?

Posted by: Screw Em at December 11, 2005 04:54 AM (hRM9L)

6 The string is stretched across my fingers, see? Take this finger under this one like this; go over that one, around these 3, pull 'em back and whaddya got? Baby in a basket! What, you not into string art? This is indicative of how we conduct nuclear investigations, very important, very important. Just has Hans ...

Posted by: bubbe at December 11, 2005 06:40 AM (cbAi4)

7 Honest Injun, guys. Kofi promised me thiiiiisssssss much.

Posted by: bubbe at December 11, 2005 06:43 AM (cbAi4)

8 "So I'm in Ahmadinejad's office and I whip out my metaphorical 44s and I say in my famous Clint Eastwood voice: I know what you're thinking. Did he issue six sternly worded letters or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as the IAEA is part of the UN, the most prolific writer of sternly worded letters in the world, and would instantly swamp your desk, your paper shredder and your recycling bins, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk? That's when Ahamdinejad conceded defeat and promised that Iran's nuclear program would only be used for civilian use. Then he had to excuse himself to take an urgent phone call about a new Russian-built rocket motor, or something like that."

Posted by: Graeme at December 11, 2005 07:03 AM (V6XZt)

9 "O.K. I had a speech all prepared, but I can't find it anywhere. Has any one seen it? It was in a bright yellow folder about this big. I know it's here somewhere. But I'll be damned if I can find it."

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at December 11, 2005 08:28 AM (DdRjH)

Posted by: blue at December 11, 2005 08:36 AM (PFuWA)

11 "I once found some sarin and mustard shells thiiis big. Regardless, there's no WMD in Iraq!"

Posted by: Pea at December 11, 2005 08:36 AM (Rs5sH)

12 An IAEA official threatens Iran to ceize and desist or face his two six-shooters.

Posted by: Jesusland Carlos at December 11, 2005 10:06 AM (8e/V4)

13 Okay Iran, You get one (gross) more chances to 'fess up about your nuclear ambitions!

Posted by: Marcus Aurelius at December 11, 2005 11:08 AM (ejzcs)

14 ...I wrote a paragraph this long condemning Iran's Nuclear ambitions, it was very stern; I hear the Mullah's shook with fear at the very reading of my letter, Yessiree it won't be long now before they pack up their nuclear reactor, and I have another nastygran prepared in the event they did not heed my last one.

Posted by: dave at December 11, 2005 12:29 PM (CcXvt)

15 In my left hand I have top grade Iranian skunk weed and in my right the lesser Iraqi variety...now take a toke on each and compare.

Posted by: Jester at December 11, 2005 01:14 PM (wBDaS)

16 I swear it's this big. No, no, no, not that, but the fish I caught while visiting the nuclear facilites in Iran. That warm water sure grows em.

Posted by: jesusland joe at December 11, 2005 01:31 PM (rUyw4)

17 I left off the end part. "I have to have something to do when I'm supposed to be examining the nuclear facilities.

Posted by: jesusland joe at December 11, 2005 01:33 PM (rUyw4)

18 Program on the emergence of civilization. "14 species of large animals capable of domesitcation in the history of mankind. 13 from Europe, Asia and northern Africa. None from the sub-Saharan African continent. " Favor. And disfavor. They point out AfricansÂ’ failed attempts to domesticate the elephant and zebra, the latter being an animal they illustrate that had utmost importance for it's applicability in transformation from a hunting/gathering to agrarian-based civilization. The roots of racism are not of this earth. Austrailia, aboriginals:::No domesticable animals. The North American continent had none. Now 99% of that population is gone. AIDS in Africa. Organizational Heirarchy/Levels of positioning. Heirarchical order, from top to bottom: 1. MUCK - perhaps have experienced multiple universal contractions (have seen multiple big bangs), creator of the artificial intelligence humans ignorantly refer to as "god" 2. Perhaps some mid-level alien management 3. Evil/disfavored aliens - runs day-to-day operations here and perhaps elsewhere Terrestrial management/positioning: 4. Chinese/egyptians - this may be separated into the eastern and western worlds 5. Romans - The seamless transition between Cleopatra and Julius Ceasar may be a clue alluding to a partnership. 6. Mafia - the real-world 20th century interface that constantly turns over generationally so as to reinforce the widely-held notion of mortality 7. Jews, corporation, women, politician - Evidence exisits to suggest mafia management over all these groups. Movies foreshadowing catastrophy 1985 James Bond View to a Kill 1989 San Francisco Loma Prieta earthquake. Our society gives clues to the system in place. We all have heard the saying "He has more money than god." There is also an episode of the Simpsons where god meets Homer and says "I'm too old and rich for this." This is the system on earth because this is the system everywhere. 20 cent/hour Chinese labor, 50 cents for material. An $80 sweater costs less than a dollar; homage, tribute kicked upstairs vindicates the creative accounting. I don't want to suggest the upper eschelons are evil and good is the fringe. But these individuals become wealthy exploiting those they hurt. They have made it abundantly clear that doing business with evil (disfavored) won't help people. They say only good would have the ear, since evil is struggling for survival, and therefore only the favored could help. The clues are there which companies are favored and which are disfavored, but they conceal it very hard because it is so crucial. I offer an example of historical proportions::: People point to Walmart and cry "anti-union". Unions enable disfavored people to live satisfactorly without addressing their disfavor. This way their family's problems are never resolved. Without the union they would have to accept the heirarchy, their own inferiority. Unions serve to empower. Walmart is anti-union because they are good. They try to help people address and resolve their problems by creating an environment where there are fewer hurdles. Media ridicule and lawsuits are creations to reinforce people's belief that Walmart is evil in a subsegment of the indistry dominated by the middle and lower classes. Low-cost disfavored Chinese labor is utilized by corporate america to maximize margins. They all do it. Only WalMart gets fingered because they are the ones who help, and those who seek to create confusion in the marketplace want to eliminate the vast middle class who have a real chance and instead stick with lower classes who may not work otherwise. So they dirty him up while allowing the others to appear clean. The middle class is being deceived. They are being misled into the unfavored, and subsequently will have no assistance from their purchases with corporate america. The coining of the term "Uncle Sam" was a clue alluding to just this::Sam Walton and WalMart is one of few saviors of the peasant class. Amercia is a country of castoffs, rejects. Italy sent its criminals, malcontents. Between the thrones, the klans and kindred, they decided who they didn't want and acted, creating discontent and/or starvation. The u.s. is full of disfavored rejects. It is the reason for the myriad of problems not found in European countries. As far as the Rockafellers and other industrialists of the 19th century go, I suspect these aren't their real names. I suspect they were chosen to go and head this new empire. Royalty is the right way to organize a society. Dictatorships and monarchies are a reflection of the antient's hierarchical organization. Positions go to those who have favor with the rulers, as opposed to being elected. Elections bring a false sense of how the world is. Democracy misleads people. Which is why the disfavored rejects were sent to the shores of America::To keep them on the wrong path. Jews maim the body formed in the image of "god", and inflicted circumsision upon all other white people, as well as the evil that is Jewsus Christ. I think about how Jews (were used to) created homosexuality among Slavics, retribution for the Holocaust. Then I think of the Catholic Church and its troubles. What connection is here between Jews and the Catholic church??? If it is their sinister motives thatÂ’s behind the evil that is Jesus Christ are they being used at all? Perhaps it is them who are pulling strings. Their centuries of slavery in Egypt proves their disfavor. The Jew leaders were granted the right to prey on the up-and-coming Europeans to try to fix their problems with the ruling elite, a recurring aspect of the elite's methodology. Jews were ostracised for a reason. Jewsus Christ is a religious figure of evil. He teaches of a begnign, forgiving god when quite the opposite is true. The seperatist churches formed so they could still capture the rest of the white people, keeping them worshipping the wrong god. And now they do it to disfavored people of color, Latinos and Asians, after centuries of preying upon them. Since Buddism doesn't recongnize a god, the calls are never heard, and Asian representation is instead selected by the thrones. Budda was the Asian's Jewsus Christ::: bad for the people. "They came up at the same time for a reason." Simpson's foreshadowing::Helloween IV special, Flanders is Satan. "Last one you ever suspect." "You'll see lots of nuns where you're going:::hell!!!" St. Wigham, Helloween VI, missionary work, destroying cultures. Over and over, the Simpsons was a source of education and enlightenment, a target of ridicule by the system which wishes to conceal its secrets. The advent of the modern Christmas was a brilliant move. It creates a vested interest among those who would prefer the Church of Evil be destroyed:::: As goes the Catholic Church so goes the majority of annual retail sales. The similarity between the names "Santa" and "Satan" is no coincidence. Retribution for the atomic bombs dropped on Japan, the Korean War got the disfavored United States into this socially depraved environment in the latter 20th century because we attacked an antient, revered peoples. Our continued presence keeps us in trouble. When the disfavored americans attack the wrong people again, as they suggested they will, in Korea and elsewhere, they will pay dearly. All peoples are ranked in terms of favor and disfavor. And when the disfavored abuse those above them, there is hell to pay. All the groups mentioned throughout are necessary to justify the will of the managing species. They have a strategy, devise a plan yet need a way to implement it, and without these groups the managing species would be exposed in the course of executing strategy. So, based upon their rank they are assigned goals to accomplish and are rewarded with favors.

Posted by: grandpa stole bets at December 11, 2005 02:24 PM (iSRTZ)

19 nice doctorate thesis on "how to ramble on like an idiot" grandpa, I think you've proven it. Someone please clean up the "Barking Moonbat" feces on this thread, you can delete my response too.

Posted by: dave at December 11, 2005 02:53 PM (CcXvt)

20 Has anybody reported missing any slack-jawed senile old cooters from the insane asylum? If so, I know where he is.

Posted by: Jesusland Carlos at December 11, 2005 03:12 PM (8e/V4)

21 Is that you, Greg?

Posted by: jesusland joe at December 11, 2005 03:16 PM (rUyw4)

22 That does it, grandpa! Bigot. Spit! El Baridei is quoted as saying, "Hey, Jew, I'm talking to Jew over there. I want Jew and Jew and Jew. Yes, sir, I need Jew and Jew and Jew too. All the Jews over there on the right, all the Jews here to my left, I need all of you. Come on, let's show that Iranian President Al-Jerko how a real WMD investigative committee operates now that I finally have you super intelligent people with me."

Posted by: bubbe at December 11, 2005 05:59 PM (cbAi4)

23 E=M(GSB)squared where: E= Entropy M= Mohammed GSB= Grandpa stole bets Pushing M close to GSB results in a critical mass that would cause a Japanese to say, "Horry shit, Joe, where you put Hiroshima? You rika josan? You rika beiru? OK Joe I can fix. She wear Santa clothes and give you biiiggg peace prize; cheap too.... Sigh: where do we get such men?

Posted by: Einstein`s janitor at December 11, 2005 07:40 PM (6mUkl)

24 "I would like to reiterate that the fact that the noses of the Iranian scientists involved in their nuclear program are THIS FRIGGIN' big has nothing to do with genetic changes due to radioactive materials. Look at me. 30 years in the nuclear field and I'm as fit as a 17 year old Palestinian stone thrower. Don't mind the hair loss and the eye glasses. I think it's because W is having the CIA slip some slow acting aging virus in my pork jerky."

Posted by: Nick at December 11, 2005 07:51 PM (s1DCa)

25 "So you see? My right hand knew not what my left hand doeth for some time now."

Posted by: Oyster at December 12, 2005 07:02 AM (YudAC)

26 "Once Israel makes peace with the Palestinians by giving up the West Bank to those very peace loving Arabs, this is how wide Israel's new border will be---very defensible."

Posted by: Steve Sharon at December 12, 2005 08:37 AM (U/F/W)

27 "I have seen the Iranians' facilities, and their spent fuel rods are this big. What, why must you always laugh when I say that?"

Posted by: Venom at December 12, 2005 09:37 AM (dbxVM)

28 Mohammad ElBaradei tries out for Footy Umpire....

Posted by: Macker at December 12, 2005 11:26 PM (D4Apj)

29 Dear Vinnie: I have to put the [dot] in my URL because MuNu thinks I have questionable content and rejects my comments. As a matter of fact, I can't use my URL at any MuNu site.

Posted by: Oyster at December 13, 2005 04:52 AM (YudAC)

30 What brown skin folk we toasting death of today???? Simple, simpleton. The killers who for racial and religious reasons slaughter innocent people. We gladly celebrate their deaths.

Posted by: greyrooster at December 13, 2005 06:05 AM (qihSJ)

31 Grandpa stole bets: You are sick.

Posted by: greyrooster at December 16, 2005 05:14 AM (kkjRj)

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