1 Tony, is that a horn sticking out of your head?

2 Moe: Remind me to kill you later

3 Junichiro Koizumi: c'mon Tony, hit him, you know you want to, and it ain't like anyone will stop you.

4 In other news today, national leaders re-enacted a scene from world war 2 known as the good, the bad, and the ugly....

5 "Iron Chef French... Iron Chef English... Allez cuisine!"

6 Tension was high between the leaders of Britain and France during one particular moment of the G8 when Jacques confused Koizumi for Camilla.

7 Chirac: You may be unenlightened non-socialists with really bad cuisine, but at least you know how to wear your tie and you don't serve bait. Blair: (Mmmmphh)And what's up with the Farah hair? Koizumi: Ommmmmmmmm. Ommmmmmmmm. Ommmmmmmmm.

8 Mad Dog Vinnie:"**Note: 10 page conspiracy theses totally off topic written by greg will be allowed on this post, they just won't be considered for the contest**" Once upon a time, there were four muslims. They were born in Britain and were proud of their country. They understood the hardships thier families had endured to immigrate to England. One day they were approached by British Security. "would you like to make an easy 100 pounds? We are testing security at the subway system tomorrow. All you have to do is carry these fake bombs and try to get on the subway without being detected. You will all meet at point X and will then dispurse on these trains. But mums the word, OK? Sure said the 4 young men.The men gathered at the designated launch point, except one who was running late, and in so doing were caught on film. They bought roundway tickets and got on their appointed trains. At some point, explosions were set off. People got on the bus that the fourth man was on and told about how there had been three explosions on different trains at points A, B, and C. The 4th man on the bus realized that he'd been had. This was a set-up. He looked into his satchal and where as before the 'fake explosive' device had seemed inert, LED lights were now on as if it had become activated. He fiddled nervously with the bomb while anxiously awaiting for the bus to arrive at its next stop so that he could seperate himself from the satchal. He was observed by many on the bus as he fiddled with the pack. Before the next stop, the bomb detonated. We know the terror drill was real (See the Power's revelation below). We know they were running the drill at the exact same stations the bombings actually occurred. We know that the accused bombers don't fit the profile of men ready to die for Allah. Indeed, it is reported that some of them were not particularly religious. Yet we are faced with the strange claim that these men, one of whom had a new family, and another whose wife was pregnant, carried bombs set on timers and stood there waiting for them explode. This makes sense ONLY if they thought they were carrying fake bombs as part of a terror drill. This also explains the nervousness of the man on the bus who had probably just heard of the real explosions and was starting to suspect that the fake bomb he was carrying might not be fake after all. If these men thought they were committing suicide, why did they buy RETURN TICKETS ON THE TRAIN? Why did they pay for "pay and display" tickets for their cars at the parking area? THE POWER'S REVELATION Power told the host that at the exact same time that the London bombings were taking place, his company was running a 1,000 person strong exercise which drilled the London Underground being bombed at the exact same locations, at the exact same times, as happened in real life. The transcript is as follows. POWER: At half past nine this morning we were actually running an exercise for a company of over a thousand people in London based on simultaneous bombs going off precisely at the railway stations where it happened this morning, so I still have the hairs on the back of my neck standing up right now. HOST: To get this quite straight, you were running an exercise to see how you would cope with this and it happened while you were running the exercise? POWER: Precisely, and it was about half past nine this morning, we planned this for a company and for obvious reasons I don't want to reveal their name but they're listening and they'll know it. And we had a room full of crisis managers for the first time they'd met and so within five minutes we made a pretty rapid decision that this is the real one and so we went through the correct drills of activating crisis management procedures to jump from slow time to quick time thinking and so on. The fact that the exercise mirrored the exact locations and times of the bombings is light years beyond a coincidence. Power said the drill focused around 'simultaneous bombings'. At first the bombings were thought to have been spread over an hour, but the BBC reports just today that the bombings were in fact simultaneous. Mr. Power and Visor Consultants need not have been 'in on the bombing' or anything of that nature for this to be of importance. The British government or one of their private company offshoots could have hired Visor to run the exercise for a number of purposes. The exercise fulfils several different goals. It acts as a cover for the small compartamentalized government terrorists to carry out their operation without the larger security services becoming aware of what they're doing, and, more importantly, if they get caught during the attack or after with any incriminating evidence they can just claim that they were just taking part in the exercise. This is precisely what happened on the morning of 9/11/2001. The CIA was conducting drills of flying hijacked planes into the WTC and Pentagon at 8:30 in the morning. It is clear that at least five if not six training exercises were in operation in the days leading up to and on the morning of 9/11. This meant that NORAD radar screens showed as many as 22 hijacked airliners at the same time. NORAD had been briefed that this was part of the exercise drill and therefore normal reactive procedure was forestalled and delayed. The large numbers of 'blips' on NORAD screens that displayed both real and 'drill' hijacked planes explain why confused press reports emerged hours after the attack stating that up to eight planes had been hijacked. And they all lived happily ever after!

9 Chirac: "Tony, this is our perfect chance, let's give Sushi boy a haircut while he's sleeping."

10 Chirac: "Tonee, mon ami! I am lookeeng at you sroo zees Japaneez guy's ears!" Blair: "Amazing. I'm looking through his ears too, but all I see is a pile of merde."

11 Posing for famous French artist Pierre Beaumont; Jacques Chirac, PM Koizumi, and Tony Blair. Beaumont will use this image to create a non-American version of Mt. Rushmore in the French Alps. He will call his project Le Silly Montagne.

12 In an awesome display of his jedi powers, Master Yoda unites the dark and light sides of the force.

13 One of these things is not like the others, one of these things is not the same... One of these things refuses to see reality, one of these things is really quite lame...

14 I hate it when Euro-prissies argue.... My head hurts.

15 sniff sniff. did you fart? no, did you? no, did you?

16 The Japanese Prime Minister, trapped between the smells of garlic and jellied eel, grows faint.

17 Koizumi: Tony, you know he misplaced his brain cell, and I know he misplaced his brain cell. Let it go.

18 "I don't care how much it costs, Tony, I hate sushi, too."

19 Okay Junichiro, you can take this. It's not as bad as the time you were trapped in the elevator with your mother-in-law. Just find your happy place. Think of something pleasant......like whale burgers. Mmmmmmmmmm whale burgers.

20 He closed his eyes and lost himself in the smell of brie and kippers.

21 "Will you two whiney Europeans PLEASE SHUT UP!"

22 I'm torn between Don Surber's and Lakebear's. I like Don's a little better, I think, but only because I'm a Stooges fan. By the way, wasn't that the same idiotic screed greg posted yesterday to another thread? Are you going to let him start viagra spamming his stupidity? I have a proposal; let him post whatever he wants, but he must do so under the handle of Village Idiot. Also, other leftards and moonbats must be banned.

23 Brie and kippers is damned funny though. Damned funny.

24 As this hidden camera photo demonstrates, the men's room at the G8 was unusually crowded. Japanese PM Junichiro Koizumi, clearly uncomfortable with the situation, closed his eyes and prayed for it to be over quickly as Chirac and Blair jockeyed to share the urinal he peeing in.

25 Gluteus Maximus, You smell of boar sex and have an ass imbedded with more bristles than a cactus. When I finish my mystery novel and become famous, you'll be sorry.

26 Koizumi: "There's no place like home...there's no place like home..."

27 Chirac: Someone grabbed my ass! Blair: Mine too! Koizumi: Ooooooooooooooo

28 Jacques: "Tony! I never realized your eyes were so blue."

29 "Et suis non seulement j'allant au fart dans votre direction générale, je vais blâmer la nourriture britannique et japonaise de zee de me donner le gaz dans le premier endroit de zee, you farging iceholes."

30 " . . . and all I said, of course, is that it is well known that all Japanese food is based on a culture of torture and the tentacle rape fetishes of that august nation's several million perverted chronic masturbators, and that the British would have died off centuries ago if the women hadn't grown working penises and discovered they could reproduce with sheep, and everyone I know laughed uproariously when I said this, so I don't see why you barbarians can't learn to just be funny like we french . . ."

31 Chirac: Tony, I used to have strong feelings for you, but our recent fights have led me to believe that it's time I move to my mom's house in the hills of Provence until things calm down between us.

32 Chirac:"All I said was, that piece of Halubut was good enough for Jehova."

33 if i just close my eyes and take some deep breaths i can go to my safe place.....

34 *Correction to my entry. It should be as follows: "As this hidden camera photo demonstrates, the men's room at the G8 was unusually crowded. Japanese PM Junichiro Koizumi, clearly uncomfortable with the situation, closed his eyes and prayed for it to be over quickly as Chirac and Blair jockeyed to share the urinal he was peeing in." *I had left out the 'was' in the last sentence. Oops.

35 Mad Dog Vinnie:'**Note: 10 page conspiracy theses totally off topic written by greg will be allowed on this post, they just won't be considered for the contest**' "A September 21 story by the Israeli Herzliyya International Policy Institute for Counter terrorism, entitled "Black Tuesday: The World's Largest Insider Trading Scam?" documented the following trades connected to the September 11 attacks: - Between September 6 and 7, the Chicago Board Options Exchange saw purchases of 4,744 put options on United Airlines, but only 396 call options. Assuming that 4,000 of the options were bought by people with advance knowledge of the imminent attacks, these "insiders" would have profited by almost $5 million. - On September 10, 4,516 put options on American Airlines were bought on the Chicago exchange, compared to only 748 calls. Again, there was no news at that point to justify this imbalance; Again, assuming that 4,000 of these options trades represent "insiders", they would represent a gain of about $4 million. - [The levels of put options purchased above were more than six times higher than normal.] - No similar trading in other airlines occurred on the Chicago exchange in the days immediately preceding Black Tuesday. - Morgan Stanley Dean Witter & Co., which occupied 22 floors of the World Trade Center, saw 2,157 of its October $45 put options bought in the three trading days before Black Tuesday; this compares to an average of 27 contracts per day before September 6. Morgan Stanley's share price fell from $48.90 to $42.50 in the aftermath of the attacks. Assuming that 2,000 of these options contracts were bought based upon knowledge of the approaching attacks, their purchasers could have profited by at least $1.2 million. - Merrill Lynch & Co., which occupied 22 floors of the World Trade Center, saw 12,215 October $45 put options bought in the four trading days before the attacks; the previous average volume in those shares had been 252 contracts per day [a 1200% increase!]. When trading resumed, Merrill's shares fell from $46.88 to $41.50; assuming that 11,000 option contracts were bought by "insiders", their profit would have been about $5.5 million. - European regulators are examining trades in Germany's Munich Re, Switzerland's Swiss Re, and AXA of France, all major reinsurers with exposure to the Black Tuesday disaster. [FTW Note: AXA also owns more than 25% of American Airlines stock making the attacks a "double whammy" for them.] On September 29, 2001 - in a vital story that has gone unnoticed by the major media - the San Francisco Chronicle reported, "Investors have yet to collect more than $2.5 million in profits they made trading options in the stock of United Airlines before the Sept. 11, terrorist attacks, according to a source familiar with the trades and market data". "The uncollected money raises suspicions that the investors - whose identities and nationalities have not been made public - had advance knowledge of the strikes". They don't dare show up now. The suspension of trading for four days after the attacks made it impossible to cash-out quickly and claim the prize before investigators started looking." Post not linked due to its 'conspiritorial' nature.

36 Ahhhhhhhh, so Tony Brair and Jacques Chiirak.... I hold both your ding dongs in my tiny asian hands.... NOW JACK! TuRN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH YOU FROGGY BASTAAAAAAD!

37 US police pursue girl over stone Maribel Cuevas speaks almost no English (pic: ABC News) An 11-year-old girl who threw a stone at a group of boys pelting her with water balloons is being prosecuted on serious assault charges in California. Maribel Cuevas was arrested in April in a police operation which involved three police cars and a helicopter. She has since spent five days in detention, in which she was granted one 30 minute visit by her parents, and has spent a month under house arrest. Her lawyer accuses the authorities of criminalising childhood behaviour." http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4689459.stm Helicopter? Police state, here we come. Would this have been treated in this manner had the girl not been Latina? I doubt it.

38 Ah so, I now pronounce you husband and flog (frog). May you riv happy alrays after. Prince may now wet kriss the flog (frog). Or: Judging the wet willie contest between France and the UK was a mind boggling and rather sloppy event.

39 Chirac and Blair tell yet another member of the G-8 that the secret plot to dominate the world by the Tri Lateral Commission along with the Joos has been discovered by the busybody Greg.

40 Keep 'em coming, I'll be posting this afternoon!

41 Brad, you left out the Illuminati and the Bilderbergs.

42 These contests are rigged! I never win and I blame the JOOOOOS.

43 Greg, you ever read the Naked Capitalists ? Skousen was all hung up on the Bilderberg meetings. Btw, I stopped at the post office last Friday and some LaRoush people had set up a table out front. What do you think of him?

44 When is the big announcement?

45 About an hour or so, I need a nap after work.

46 Brad, LaRouche is quite a character. Very intelligent, but I haven't quite figured him out yet. I don't know what to think at this point. He has some grandiose scheme to realign the world economy. He also claims 9-11 was a coup d'etet (which is how he came to my attention).

47 That Greg asshole just keeps getting sicker and sicker and sicker.