1 30 years or so from now some schmuck is gonna be running for president and it's gonna get out that it was he who did this and that his national guard service was to get out of going to the Iraq war. Oh yes.

2 Our president will be sure to straighten this one out. "Son, coke and fighter planes just don't mix. Truss me on this 'un. I been there."

3 and it's gonna get out that it was he who did this And he'll win in a friggin' landslide. Dude, you shot up a school with an F-16?! That's so cool!

4 See, what happened is, I told those kids, "Is you learning, kids?" And they said, "No, Mr. President, your education plan bites." So I told 'em, "You either with us or against us."

5 "How many frags did we get, Dick?" --"Um, I'm not entirely sure, George." "We fight terror and evil, Dick. We don't differentiate between the terrorist enemy in Afghanistan, and the schoolyard bully who steals my lunch money, you little bastard, I'll never forget that! I'm the president now, and I've got a bunch of red buttons, do you hear me? Red buttons!" (breaks down crying) --"There there, Mr. President. There, there."

6 "Theresh an old saying in Texas. 'The only innocent person is an unborn person.' Once you're out of the womb, you're fair game for execution, USA-STYLE. Yeah I set the record for fryin' the most people as governor, but that stuff takes way too long. The appeals process alone takes like 3 minutes. BORING! My favorite was the retard with the sleeping defense attorney. You shoulda seen the hippies come outta the woodwork tryin' to save that little piece of s**t. But a godless preteen commie liberal waste-of-space from tha Satanic Republic a New Jersey might just take tha cake. I told him, DURING SCHOOL HOURS, man! School hours. It don't do no good if you do it after 11 PM!"