(Colorado Springs, CO) The North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) whose chief is U.S. Adm. Timothy J. Keating has decided that the military jargon is insensitive to American Indians. Although there have been no complaints, Adm. Keating has banned the use of certain words, including warrior, brave, and chief, from the military lexicon.

According to a NORAD spokesperson, Master Sgt. John Tomassi, the military is following the lead of the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) in prohibiting the use of Indian names.

Just think. With one stroke of a pen, Adm. Keating changed my perception of the North American aerospace defense network from a high-tech and reliable weapons and intelligence command into a bunch of whimpering pussies. After learning of this latest politically correct infestation at the commanding officer level, I immediately felt less safe.

It's also disturbing that Keating's irresponsible edict folds all too nicely into Osama bin Laden's propaganda to al-Qaeda terrorists and recruits that the American military is weak and cannot win. The U.S. military can't be expected to intimidate an enemy when it's viewed as sensitive and cowardly, bending over for every whiny complaint in society.

Rumsfeld should send out a war party to bring back Keating's scalp.

SEE-DUBYA with the UPDATE: Mike, I apologize for stepping on your excellent post here, but I've just received Keating's memo about NORAD's updated nomenclature, which I am posting in the extended entry below. NORAD's new, more sensitive nomenclature:

From: US Adm. Timothy J. Keating
To: All NORAD Personnel
Re: Racially Sensitive and Inclusive Terminology

1. From this point forward, the 82nd Airborne Division will no longer be allowed to shout "Geronimo!" as they bail out of airplanes, as this is insensitive to the memory of the famous Apache chief. Henceforth all personnel must shout "Oopsie-Doodle!" upon airborne deployment.

2. America's Ambassadors in Blue, the USAF Thunderbirds, appear to mock the great thunder spirit of certain Plains tribes. Accordingly, they are now renamed the "Flying Cuddle Blossoms."

3. The OH-58D "Kiowa Warrior" helicopter is doubleplusungood. Currently it is being redesignated the OH-58D "Fairy Princess Moon Flower".

4. The AH64 A/D Attack Helicopter, formerly known as the "Apache", has been renamed in accordance with NORAD's sensitivity guidelines. It is now designated the "AH-64 A/D Gossamer Butterfly of Inclusiveness".

5. Likewise the Tomahawk Land Attack Missile implies that Native American Indigenous Peoples once scalped each other with small hatchets. This name is inappropriate in a modern, sensitive army and the ordnance is henceforth designated the "Rainbow Love Happy Fun Bomb".

CORRECTION: THIS MEMORANDUM SUGGESTS THE USE OF THE WORD RAINBOW IS ALSO INSENSITIVE TO INDIGENOUS AMERICANS.

The Tomahawk is therefore renamed the "Prismatic Love Happy Fun Bomb".

That is all. I expect these new terms to become standard usage immediately, or I will be going on the warpath!

TJK

Good to know we're serious about winning the war.

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 03:14 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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